‘Twas the night before Mueller, when all through the news
Every anchor was speculating, no cred left to lose
The scripts were all typed by producers with care
In hopes that team Mueller would confirm a Red Scare
The Democrats confident dirt had been found by the Feds
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads
And Hillary in her pantsuit, and a girl in Bill’s lap
The Clintons were hopeful they’d still beat the rap
On cable news they were full of such speculative chatter
Proven liars and hucksters like Maddow and Rather
Away to the remote, needed to get away fast
Mueller graphics and countdown clocks, of my straws that’s the last
The panels of analysts and pundits did grow
Giving the appearance of substance on a news night that’s slow
When, what to my glassed-over eyes should appear
But Jim Acosta suggesting Trump had something fear
With a snide delivery and a bias that’s sick
CNN should spare us from watching this...guy
More rapid than eagles the speculation it came
Not a shred of evidence, they talked just the same
Now Cumo! Now Matthews! Now O’Donnell and Tapper!
On Lemon! On Cooper! On Hayes and on Blitzer!
From the top of the hour! To the top of the next!
Prognosticate, exaggerate of crimes you suggest!
As dry mouths before the wild conjecture flies
When they meet with an obstacle who calls out their lies
From the White House lawn, he clobbered the press
Trump assured everyone Mueller gave him no stress
And then in amazement, a distraction on my tube
The ranting and stomping of Democrat boobs
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
Leftist candidates for president started making loud sounds
They were wearing dress casual, from their heads to their feet,
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And pretended to enjoy eating where the working class eat.
A bundle of promises and empty attacks,
While AOC told us to just ignore they’ve no facts
Beto’s hands - how they gestured! Bernie’s the socialist hero
Tulsi Gabbard seems normal so her chances are zero.
Mayor Pete’s droll little mouth was kissing his beau
Kamala Harris was faking the rappers she knows
The stump of a peace pipe Warren held tight in her teeth
Native Americans call her an identity thief
Klobachar had a stern face, and callous demeanor
If you work for this woman, better not be a bleeder
Joe Biden’s still out there, a right jolly old veep
But the ladies of #MeToo now says he’s a creep
Lots of winking and grabbing and sniffing of heads
Woke, leftist women filled with nothing but dread
Gillibrand and Castro aren’t impressive
Inslee and Booker are snoozers
And there’s no way we’ll be saying “President John Hickenlooper”
So using my fingers to hold my own nose
The distraction was fun, but back to Muller cable news chose
They sprung to their desks, their talking heads they did summon
And away they all jabbered, not a fact found among them
But I heard Trump proclaim, all should caution their views
Tomorrow’s Mueller Report is just more of Fake News
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