What is the best way to secure funding for anti-terror training exercises from President Obama’s Department of Homeland Security? First, you have to create a fictitious scenario where hundreds of lives are threatened by a terrorist organization. But please, make sure your scenario is as fictitious as possible. I mean really fictitious. Like, instead of the terrorists being anti-American, Muslim radicals, make them homegrown white supremacists. Send your script to DHS and just wait for your check to arrive.
This was the training exercise that DHS agreed to fund last Saturday at Treynor High School in Pottawattamie County, Iowa, which has a population of just 919 people. A fictitious terrorism scenario in which young white supremacists shoot up dozens of people because of their increasing intolerance for racial minorities.
According to this science fiction script, one of the make-believe suspects in the shootings is an 18-year-old white male with a hot-tempered father who is a firearms enthusiast. Cue the scary music. Lights, camera, action!Thankfully, when word spread that our tax dollars were about to be wasted on this exercise, the angry calls came pouring in and the entire boondoggle was squelched.
It was a script not even worthy of a B-level science fiction producer, however, it was good enough for the Obama administration. In fact, it was perfect for the Obama administration.
According to local Iowa officials, this fictional terror training scenario was specifically tailored to meet the DHS funding requirements. And as hard as that may be to believe, it actually makes perfect sense.
You know the type. All those “bitter” people clinging to their guns and religion that President Obama warned us about on the campaign trail in 2008.
So be on notice, all you aspiring science fiction writers out there. The Obama administration is commissioning terrorism scripts, and the more implausible the better. Just make certain that the scenario you dream-up casts the right people as villains – namely, team Obama’s political adversaries.