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Only a Modest Illegal Search by Government

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Now that I’ve been made fully aware — thanks to The Guardian and The Washington Post — that the National Security Agency (NSA) knows all the details of my historical cell phone usage, I can rest assured that it’s no big deal. 



That’s because the president told me so.  Let’s not forget, this is the very same president who determined how much money that I should have in my retirement accounts since he knows my exact comfort level. 

And this is also the same president who endorses his wife’s position, which would force me to share my pie with all those who will somehow find themselves without dessert tonight. 

Indeed, I feel so fortunate to have such a caring and all-knowing father figure as my president.  Nevertheless, I’m very curious if the same rules apply to the president’s two daughters, Sasha and Malia. 

Remember them? 

I’m also thrilled that our great leader clarified what my position should be regarding the rest of our governmental leadership.

You see, the enthusiastic support by my Senator, John McCain, of heavily arming the same group that brought down the Twin Towers has me very confused. 

Thus, thank you for the clarification Mr. President: “If people can’t trust not only the executive branch but also don’t trust Congress, and don’t trust federal judges, to make sure that we’re abiding by the Constitution with due process and rule of law, then we’re going to have some problems here.” 


I’m also quite content to know that the most utilized vehicle of communication in the world, the internet, is not being monitored. 

Therefore, I’ve been led to believe that there’s nobody checking my email, what I download is my business, and even if the internet was being monitored, I’ve been reassured that once again it’s no big deal. 

One might think that all this alleged governmental eavesdropping is an invasion of privacy, and you would be right.  However, according to the president it’s only a “modest” encroachment.  Yet, isn’t that how it all started in Germany back in 1933? 

Okay, I might get a bit concerned if my omniscient “Leiter” decides to grow a toothbrush mustache. 

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