Tucker Carlson has found a new hill to die on. Not only does he hate the Jews and blame Israel for every terrible thing that’s happened on Earth, but he’s now perplexed by the presence of letters in basic algebra. 

In an interview released Monday, Carlson spent two hours talking to Jess Elofson, an artist, potter/ceramicist, welder, and Ford collector who lives on a farm in South Dakota. Why he deserved an interview is unclear, but the pair discussed art, beauty, politics, and, of course, why “You’re good little goy slaves” if you think algebra has any real-world application. How did they come to that conclusion? Because Elofson claimed to have never used it in constructing a wood-fired kiln.

"Why does algebra put letters into numbers?" Carlson asked.

"I think just to f**k with you," Elofson said.

"So you deal with math in your job every day. You've already, I think, demonstrated your grasp of math is high"

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"I mean, functional math. Yeah, yeah, for sure."

"Well, if you can build a wood-fired kiln, you understand math," Carlson said. "But you didn't add letters to numbers in the process of doing that?"

"That's the weirdest thing," Elofson replied. "Nowhere did I find any letters in my math to calculate the size and structural integrity of a cantonary arch. Isn't that weird? Oh, that was weird. Because every math teacher was always like, you need to know some algebra. I've yet to encounter a single person in my life that uses algebra."

"Actually?" Carlson asked.

"Have you?"

"Yeah, but I mean, I live in a fake world," the former Fox News host said.

"That's why you use fake math with letters. Congratulations to everybody out there in the matrix. Good job. You're good little goy slaves," Elofson said.

"That's amazing."

Of course, this is the man who claims to have the best interests of conservatism at heart, although he doesn’t identify as one anymore, except when it’s convenient. 

Well, this “principled conservative” thinks a basic middle-school math concept has no real-world application, and is quite possibly Israel’s fault that we study it in the first place. Let’s ask engineers, architects, trade workers, and the entire tech sector, who collectively have infinitely more brain cells than Carlson, whether algebra and its letters have any practical use. I’m sure Carlson would be proven victorious. 

The conversation came amid a larger odd point Carlson has been fixated on: that American economics has not been conducive to producing the good, the true, and the beautiful. Principled conservatives might argue that’s a result of the lack of a free market and financial constraints inflicted by a governmental regulatory empire. But to Carlson, the problem lies within capitalism itself, a target he has taken particular glee in going after. 

Let us be clear: this is the ideology of a backwards man, one who serves no purpose beyond sowing confusion. And yet he somehow finds the time, and guts to go after one of humanity’s greatest achievements: mathematics.