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OPINION

Ukraine.com? Better Hurry

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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The smart money on Wall Street is betting that the fix is in on Ukraine. Even with a shooting war brewing between Ukraine and Russia, the markets are shrugging off the news as of little consequence.

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A telltale that the fix is in was that we sent vice president Uncle Joe Biden to Ukraine to calm matters and show our moral support for them--which was obviously meant sarcastically.

Did I say vice?

And the vice president brought with him $50 million, which may seem like a lot, but is nothing compared to the $50 billion problem they have over there.


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$50 million today doesn't fund a startup, yet alone a country fighting for survival.

If Ukraine was smart, they'd quickly convert their country to Ukraine.com, and get on the IPO calendar with Goldman Sachs as the lead underwriter and perhaps a token Russian bank-- which is to say ANY Russian bank—in the selling syndicate.

Because we know that what a dotcom does doesn't matter as much as the number of subscribers they have, and Ukraine could be losing a number of subscribers rather quickly.

So let's just say that the Obama administration is looking at the situation in Ukraine as kind of make up sex with Russia for the spats that they've had in the Middle East.

This is the world we live in.

It’s a world where officials in Birmingham warned a pastor he could be arrested for giving out food for free to homeless people because he didn’t have a license-- for charity? And in a related item, Roman authorities arrested a dude in robe and sandals for giving out loaves and fishes.

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Wait until they hear about the wine and water stunt he pulled.

That was the world they lived in.

And, honest-to-goodness, if you ever got a chance to see a US Senator up close and personal today, you probably couldn't tell him from a Pharisee the closer you got.

I mean except for the stench.

Senators probably smell a little bit worse than Pharisees did. Hypocrisy kind of rots a person from the inside.

Europe remains a flash point; and the economy produces few jobs; the healthcare system is collapsing; the IRS scandal is growing worse and more ominous.

And Obama, the guy who put the word “hyper” in hypocrisy, does the MH370 routine and disappears in Asia.

Too bad his refuse is still washing back on our shores.

This is the world we live in.

So we can count Ukraine as just another tab that Washington and Wall Street want us to pay on credit-- much later-- at higher interest rates-- because nothing-- and I mean nothing-- must interfere with the operations of the unified combination of markets and politics as our state-sponsored religion.

Not jobs, not laws, not the economy.

Certainly not Ukraine.com.

A merger with Russia by Ukraine is the only thing that makes sense, even if it has to be a hostile takeover bid. Think of all the cost savings the combined countries will make.

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And, think too of the bonuses the Board of Directors will get.

In the 1930s. the world gave us a man like Winston Churchill. Today we have a men like, ugh, John McCain, one of the original Pharisees, and, ugh, Barack Obama, a guy who makes Neville Chamberlain and Jimmy Carter look strong.

McCain would have signed the Declaration of Independence, I’m told, but he was busy being a prisoner of war-- he’s that kind of patriot.

Did he ever tell you about that time he was a prisoner of war?

Yeah, he told me too.

That was a time that we lived in, and it helped create the time we live in now.

So hurry up folks: I don't know about you, but I really, really want to live in a different time.

And as Winston Churchill proved, one man can make a difference at any time, as long as that man has character, courage and common sense.

I’m just looking for one.

And you likely are too.

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