Doug Giles

I am forbidden to critique BHO and his boys on anything they say or do. Yes, if I do utter anything derogatory regarding his holiness it is immediately dismissed because of four primary reasons. Herewith are the raisons d'être of why I cannot decry señor Hussein.

Reason #1: I am white. How do I know I’m white? Well, aside from my skin color, one telling mark of my Caucasian-ness is that I have Hall & Oates on my iPod (I always set the treble up higher than the bass) and, of course, my Florence Henderson tattoo. If that ain’t white, I don’t know what is. Since I’m white I’m not allowed to disagree with Obama because that’d be hatred. It’s true. It’s science.

Reason #2: I’m a conservative. How do I know? Well, I like people staying the hizzle out of my business; I believe the government is not my friend and should be under more scrutiny than Lindsay Lohan’s urine; I believe in nuclear weapons—lot’s of ‘em (but only for us); I believe in getting rewarded for working my butt off, and if I wanna distribute my wealth to whomever, that’s my beeswax; I believe that Adam and Steve is not a viable substitute for Adam and Eve; I believe that babies’ brains shouldn’t be vacuumed out of their skulls while they’re in their mother’s wombs; I believe our founding docs are superb and have made us exceptional as a nation (and I believe that those who offend them are enemies of the state). The aforementioned beliefs make moi the devil. Being Beelzebub, it is verboten for me to get verbose with BHO.

Reason #3: I like Jesus (the one in the Gospels, that is). Since I believe in orthodox Christian doctrine and don’t believe the black liberation psycho-drivel freak schlock that mixes Christ, communism and racism into a cultural cocktail of unworkable white-hating weirdness, I am the bad guy and can’t volley an invective at anything the Left doeth because of my whitey white-based spiritual blindness—thus saith the HuffPo.

Reason #4: I’m a man. At least I think I am. Hold on, let me check … Yep, I’m a dude (whew!). And because I’m a white, conservative, Christian man who’s a provider, protector, hunter, and hero, that makes me so very jacked up that I’m forbidden to weigh in on how Obama is waylaying our land. But personally, I’m cool with being dissed. I’ve spent the better part of my life being ignored by angry dwarfs, so I’m used to it.

Indeed, I can’t say shizzle when it comes to anything negative about BHO. As a matter of fact, neither can blacks like Michael Steele, Lt. Col. Alan West, or Kevin Jackson. Why can’t they say diddly regarding our 44th train wreck? Well, it’s because of all of the above except for the white stuff.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.