Doug Giles

Why in God’s name would ACORN fold its national name and rebrand itself under a new make and model? I thought Bertha Lewis, the L.A. Times, the New York Times, Wade Rathke, Carrot Top, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, Beelzebub and Ed Schultz declared ACORN to be innocent, lily-white virgins of virtue and truth who were viciously slandered and preyed upon by the crazy college pranksters Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe and that dastardly dude Andrew Breitbart?

It’s really weird, at least to me, that ACORN would fold up the “glorious name” it has worked so long and hard for just because of some little “inconsequential” and “highly edited” videos were thrust upon the public by a couple of twentysomethings and a 41-year-old blogger. Geez, ACORN, stand your ground, mates.

Game Change FREE

I mean, if I were innocent, as ACORN screams they are, I wouldn’t change my name, blink, flinch, or alter a flippin’ thing but would instead plow on with my head held high, deftly defying all my detractors. Yep, the naysayers could kiss my skinny backside. But that’s just me, and I’m weird.

Be that as it may, ACORN, in an odd move given their overly-declared innocence, has decided to fly under new names. Don’t judge them. Who knows, maybe they are Simon Templar or Madonna fans and are freshly hip to the reinvention thang?

Some of their newest names, to add to the 300 plus they already utilize to surreptitiously screw America on our tax dollars—I mean help poor people—are:

• New York Communities for Change
• Alliance of Californians for Community Empowerment (or ACCE)
• New England United for Justice

Those are sweet names, aren’t they? Hell, if I were part of the FBI, DOJ, IRS, Treasury, or Magnum PI, I would immediately stop all investigations into ACORN, their gazillion subsidiaries and these various new entities because with names like that they have to be squeaky clean corporations of goodness and helpiness. I think I’ll take a bong hit. Hold on. Okay, I’m back.

My buddy Hambone Tweedle does not share my altruism toward ACORN’s new and unsuspicious aliases, however. He thinks ACORN has launched an insultingly obvious and odious scheme to decentralize and hide themselves in order to continue their dirty deeds done on our dime. I know… he’s soooo negative, eh?

Hambone believes ACORN can’t operate under the radar effectively since Hannah Giles, James O’Keefe, Andrew Breitbart, Anita Moncrieff and others stomped a mud hole in their chest by exposing ACORN as the scab we all thought them to be.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.