So I asked Bitey the Dog about her views on NATO, and she responded by growling and attacking my sock. In doing so, she offered a more comprehensive, insightful, and sane commentary on this vital alliance than the putative Republican frontrunner.
Yes, it’s been a bad couple weeks for Donald Trump. Let’s review:
· His skeevy attacks on Ted Cruz’s wife confirmed his status, in the eyes of women, as America’s nightmare first husband.
· His transparent plant of the bizarre “Ted Cruz, Sex God” story in his pal’s pseudo-paper offended anyone who doesn’t require a drool bib.
· He repudiated his pledge to support the eventual nominee – hard to believe Donald Trump’s word is literally not worth the paper it’s printed on – and managed to both alienate even more Republicans while simultaneously putting at risk some of his own delegates.
· His campaign manager got charged with battering a woman, the same women whose Bic pen the noted Vietnam War non-veteran subsequently claimed placed him in mortal danger.
· He was ordered to report to Principal Priebus’s office for some pathetic groveling before the establishment he pretends he’s broken.
· He was unable to decide whether women who have an abortion should be tossed in a dungeon or given a medal.
· Polls are predicting his impending humiliation in Wisconsin.
And, to compound his hilarious and well-deserved agony, people are starting to review the general election polls – the real polls, not the online polls that unemployable geebos in red hats live to vote in – and they are seeing that it might be an uphill climb to win an election when about 60% of voters actively despise you. And that’s just among Republicans.
But a bad week for Trump is a good week for America. This clown isn’t done yet, but his sell-by date as Republican is fast approaching and I couldn’t be happier.
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Now we just have to convince him to run third party, which is barely a threat because many of his dwindling supporters were probably never going to vote GOP anyway. Plus, he may weaken Hillary more by drawing in a bunch of alienated Bernie dorks, since the Democrats – whose party establishment is actually competent– are gonna shaft them like Richard Roundtree.
Plus, half of what Trump babbles could come out of Sanders’s mouth anyway. The government’s main purposes is healthcare, housing, and education? Not the American government’s main purpose, you creepy talking troll doll.
Yeah, let Trump run as a third party candidate, except he won’t because that will simply compound the yuge rejection that’s coming. Moreover, he doesn’t really even want to be president – my contacts have been telling me for months that Trump never expected this and has tried to find a way to get out without looking like a wuss, including considering a fake cancer scare. And there is no chance the famously cheap Trump would ever spend the money he needs to run a general election campaign. The GOP donors would abandon him in favor of saving down ballot candidates from being pulled down the Donald Drain too. You can’t fight Hillary by calling into Morning Joe every day.
Nor is it clear he even could run as third party candidate. This super smart savvy business genius forgot about all those arcane third party ballot rules, meaning he could only run in a fraction of the states. Man, I’d hate to be the Trump minion who has to tell Stubby Digits about that whole Electoral College thing.
Trump has surrounded himself with the best people – the best at screwing up. When they aren’t getting busted for picking on girls they are managing to lose delegates in places like Louisiana to Ted Cruz. Turns out actually doing the hard work of learning about the nominating rules and creating an infrastructure to take advantage of them gets you better results than improvising a campaign out of Hannity appearances and rambling rally speeches.
Lyin’ Ted? Try Winnin’ Ted. You know, the one tying or beating the Wicked Witch of Arkansas as opposed to being crushed by her by double digits. That Ted.
Now, I am a Cruz supporter, and I saw him live in Beverly Hills last week at a fundraiser – yeah, Trumpoids, Ted has to raise money because his daddy didn’t give him millions of dollars. I’ve seen Cruz several times in the last couple years and he is much, much improved. He focuses on three key themes with appeal across party lines – jobs, civil rights (like religious liberty and the Second Amendment) as well as national security. People want to paint him as crazy, but I litigate in the California courts and know crazy when I see it – Ted does not come across as crazy. He also gets hit for being “preachy” – I did not see that either. And I must have missed the raw sexual firepower that Trump’s slack-jawed battalions attribute to him.
I want to see the Ted Cruz I saw in person (and who comes out in long-form interviews) when he’s at a podium or on stage. That Ted Cruz is great. He was clear, sensible, sane, and – dare I say it – Reaganesque. The Ted Cruz I saw could beat that shrill, bitter incompetent crook the Dems are in the process of anointing.
Now, the path is hard, and the map daunting, but the polling against the Hilldebeast is solid and establishment is coming around. Cruz has the best team in the business – nobody ever really expected it to be down to a two-man race right now except Team Ted. I think he’s going to win the nomination, Karl Rove’s insane idea about a “White Knight” squish parachuting in notwithstanding, and in the general, a good portion of the remaining Trump fans will come home. Most of Trump’s supporters are decent Americans infuriated by an establishment that ignored, lied to, and abused them. If they want to cause the GOPe some real pain, Ted’s the guy, and many of them will see that.
But what of Trump? He’ll go back to his tacky tower muttering about how Ted Cruz unfairly beat him with a combination of using the rules and not being an idiot. Good riddance, future footnote.
By the way, I’ll offer any mainstream media reporter a shiny quarter to ask The Donald what “NATO” stands for.
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