Open Memo to the Conservative Elite...

Posted: Nov 05, 2008 9:36 AM

Nov. 5, 2008

FROM:     Matt Lewis,

TO:         Kathleen Parker, Peggy Noonan, David Brooks, David Frum, and Christopher Buckley

CC:         Gov. Sarah Palin

Re:            We Miss You


Dear Colleagues (Okay, you're waaay more important than me)...,

I wanted to congratulate you on your contributions to the recent presidential election. Without your help, this might have been a closer race.

You gave the media an excuse to assert that “conservatives” hated Sarah Palin so much that they were jumping off the McCain campaign like rats off a sinking ship. Despite the fact that Palin was reinvigorating the conservative movement -- and drawing huge crowds -- you felt the irrational need to ignore the evidence and insist that Sarah was a walking blonde joke.

Great job!

Of course, you probably lost you any credibility you had with real conservatives…you know, the rank-and-file voters. But, hey, I’m sure it was more than worth it considering that you became overnight sensations on the Georgetown cocktail circuit (where people wouldn't have given you the time of day had you actually stuck by your beliefs).

Even if you didn’t get into those parties, you at least got your 15 minutes of fame. It must be wonderful to suddenly be catapulted from “syndicated columnist” to “leading conservative” (that would be you, Ms. Parker), or to finally emerge from your father’s shadow (Mr. Buckley), or to finally be able to cast yourself as an “outsider” (Mr. Frum). 

I suppose that I can’t really begrudge you for trying to hitch your wagon to Barack Obama’s star. Everybody loves him, it seemed like a foregone conclusion (it was), and you saw your opening.

You’d never met Gov. Palin, you had no personal connection to her, so why not throw her under the bus? A little intellectual dishonesty never hurt anyone, and being good pseudo-conservative intellectual, you understood the benefit of behaving as a self-interested individual. Ayn Rand would be so proud of you. 

Unfortunately, you goofed up on just one little issue. You forgot about the long-term impacts of your decisions; you turned a blind eye to the out-and-out ideology of Barack Obama.

... High taxes, the fairness doctrine, universal healthcare, more regulation in all aspects of your life….that’s all going to be at least partially your fault. And frankly, I lied about Ayn Rand being proud of you -- she’d probably smack you in the face for allowing such a dramatic erosion of your personal freedoms.  

That said, all is not necessarily lost. After four years of Obama, I’m sure that you will have realized the error in your ways (or at least that you weren’t actually behaving in your own self-interest). Hence, I would like to take this opportunity to extend an olive branch.

... As far as I'm concerned, you are welcome back in the conservative movement at any time you wish. We really do miss your contributions, and to be honest, we’re a little worried about you being out in the world all alone.

We are waiting with open arms, and we can only hope that you find your way home before we elect President Palin in 2012. After that, we can’t really guarantee that we’ll be able to rehabilitate you.   

Again, we miss you terribly and hope that you will come home soon.


Matt Lewis