The only thing unpredictable about the devastating air and naval campaign against the Iranian mullahs who have murdered so many people – including Americans – was the timing. We hit those bastards in broad daylight. Even though those sociopathic clowns knew it was coming, they didn't expect to be blasted into oblivion over breakfast. Now, there are some people I respect who have doubts over the mission – but they have no doubts about our country or our troops. What was sadly predictable were the puny wails of the weak, stupid, and treacherous who have zero clue about what's going on, yet immediately howled in indignation over Donald Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu's decisive decision to settle all family business. In case you missed it, Maduro was Tartaglia, Cuba will be Barzini, and the mullahs will be Moe Green relaxing on the massage table and reaching for his glasses. That Moe was Jewish will just make the jihadi goat molesters madder during the short time they have left.
Of course, the Jewish thing is front and center with the haters. "No war for Israel!" they impotently shout as if this was some profound sentiment instead of a giant sign announcing to the world they ignored Robert Downey, Jr.'s famous admonition from "Tropic Thunder."
That particular stupidity has its tangents, both of which I saw demonstrated when I pointed out that Rep. Thomas Massie was a useless piece of garbage who can always be counted on to stab us in the back (more about that dingus later). There was the classic "Shutup, Zionist," which is kind of like calling me smart, rich, and sexually powerful. I'd explain to them how insults are supposed to work, but they might end up crying, and then their mommies will have to spend all morning comforting them. Another variation is the perennial "Totally disagree with you, are you taking Israel money, too?" Yeah, I need to be paid by a foreign country to want to defeat our enemies – nothing gets by you geniuses!
Oh, and, of course, Thomas Massie was in the House – but not for long, if his patriotic war hero primary opponent has his way – sharing his tiresome and wrong opinions that this is some sort of illegal war. Now, to share these insights required him to take a break from enforcing the newly minted libertarian principles of trashing the reputations of people based on hearsay and innuendo and demanding the arrests of unnamed people for victimizing unnamed people with unspecified evidence. Massie informed his coterie of slack-jawed supporters: "Acts of war unauthorized by Congress. The U.S. is attacking Iran according to AP."
Here's the problem – he's wrong. First, the Constitution does not require Congress to authorize every single military action by the guy the Constitution named commander-in-chief. It has the power to declare war; every war need not be "declared." The CINC has wide latitude to engage in armed conflict. Now, Massie may not like that or even agree with that, which is fine. But he's still wrong. And even if he wasn't wrong – and he is – there's still the matter of both the War Powers Act and various use of military force authorizations that Congress has passed that would allow this to happen even if Massie's bespoke interpretation wasn't ridiculous. So, he's got his authorization – but no, he's decided he needs another because reasons. In terms of talking about war powers, Massie is the equivalent of the weirdo who spent too much time on the interwebs telling the judge he has no authority over him because he wrote "SOVEREIGN CITIZEN" on his driver's license and because the flag in the court has a gold fringe and that makes it a flag of admiralty and the court therefore has no jurisdiction over him because he is not a sailor, just before the bailiff hauls him back to his cell. But Massie's fan club of constitutional dyslexics has their dumb opinions, and boy, are they eager to share them.
This flows into the "I'm against the war because I love the troops" play. Someone named Natalie tweeted, "How does 'War needs to be authorized by Congress' = Thomas massie (sic) is undermining our troops? Patriotism is protecting our troops and wishing to keep them out of harm's way." Of course, the Iranians have killed and maimed thousands of Americans and will do it again, given the chance – when they chant "Death to America," they mean it. Let me tell you, as a guy in theater when the ground war went off in Desert Storm 35 years ago last week, our guys are more than happy to unleash on these seventh-century savages.
Natalie pivoted into another phase of the stupidity sweepstakes with, "The U.S. government will seriously go to war with Iran rather than release all the Epstein files." There are a lot of people pretending that this mission is really a cunning distraction to take people's attention away from the vaunted files, which have revealed exactly zero substantive, admissible, believable evidence that there was some giant pervo conspiracy or that Donald Trump did anything wrong. The only thing a distraction would protect is the Democrat-adjacent figures who still partied with Epstein after his conviction. The Epstein thing was always an IQ test; adding the Iran attack to it really separates the merely stupid from the transcendentally moronic.
And then there's Tanner, who identifies himself as an Army chaplain candidate (!) and whose timeline includes weird Charlie Kirk truthing, who makes the bold choice to make the chickenhawk play to a retired Army colonel who had his right shoulder patch long before his mom and dad lit some candles and spun that Al Green CD: "If you love our troops so much come put on a uniform and put YOUR life on the line. No one who actually understands war wants this war. You are a bloodthirsty hawk." Thanks for the insight, Punky Brewster. You're dismissed.
I regret to inform you that the pod bros of Alleged America First are at it again. Let me tell you about America First – if that means allowing a bunch of dark age degenerate sociopaths to murder and maim Americans with impunity, then count me the hell out. I never signed up to let a pack of foreign savages kill and mutilate my people, which these mullahs have been doing for nearly half a century. MAGA is not pacifism; pacifism is not MAGA, and it is certainly not manly.
And if you doubt it, it was Mr. MAGA himself, Donald J. Trump, who had the courage to finish this war – this war did not start yesterday at approximately the same time these dummies first became aware of politics. One of the most tiresome of these is Comic Dave Smith, who, to my knowledge, has never actually told a joke and has somehow installed himself as some sort of relevant commentator supplying the full benefit of his foreign policy insights gained while opening for an Eskimo prop comic at the Quebec Le Giggle Works. He weighed in with this doozy:
"By launching this illegal war of aggression against Iran, Donald Trump has betrayed the American people and his own base, none of whom wanted this. He has sided with Lindsay Graham, Mark Levin and Benjamin Netanyahu, the most despised laughingstocks on the planet. By announcing that this is indeed a regime change war (as anyone paying attention and being honest has known all along) he has tied his entire legacy to this action. If he isn't able to achieve a regime change, he will have killed a bunch of people for no reason. If the regime does fall, we have already admitted that we have no one to install and without boots on the ground, it is difficult to install a regime even if you had someone. Trump will be responsible for what comes next- the thing war hawks never consider."
OK, not "illegal" and not a "betrayal" – Donald Trump never promised anyone to let our enemies win. If you think "Lindsay Graham, Mark Levin and Benjamin Netanyahu" are "the most despised laughingstocks on the planet," you need to get out around the planet more. For example, Comic Dave's Hamas buddies in Gaza, to the extent they are still breathing, are most definitely not laughing. And oh no – Trump will be responsible for his actions! You think? Gosh, if only CDS could have warned the president before he made the decision to attack that he would be responsible for his decision! And the whole post-war thing – I'm sure he never thought of that, especially when Trump was elected after criticizing his predecessor for never thinking of that. Oh, and by "War hawks," I think Comic Dave means "men."
There are also various Democrats who are mad and frightened – not for our troops but because they know Trump's track record of success and are terrified that he pulls off this incredible strategic coup. Senator Fetterman was the exception; the rest were craven enough to whine about Trump even though they know this mission is both necessary and just. Then there are our foreign enemies who are mad – the Russians are ticked because their Persian pals are going away and they will probably have to put the survivors up in Moscow in perpetuity. And then there are our alleged allies, like the U.K., who are begging for further pointless negotiations. They hate the idea of defeating their enemies rather than submitting to them.
Yeah, the usual suspects are in full effect, but at the end of the day, who cares? Not the men and women of the American and Israeli armed forces, who are finally going to rid us of these barbarian druids after we let them exist for far too long. And certainly not for President Donald Trump, who – unlike his ankle-nibbling critics – knows what needs to be done and has the testosterone to do it.
Read Kurt Schlichter's JUST RELEASED new bestseller in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic conservative action novel series, Panama Red, and follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter.