In 1986, The New York Times described evangelicals as "more easily led than other kinds of voters." Then in 1993, The Washington Post reported that evangelicals were "largely poor, uneducated and easy to command." (The Washington Post issued a correction; the Times did not.)
For the past week, the media have been trying to prove the truth of those characterizations, gleefully reporting on the comical reasons Iowa evangelicals give for their stalwart support of Donald Trump.
One woman told the Times, "Trump is our David and our Goliath." He can be felled by a pebble! Vote Trump!
Another Trump supporter said, "He's the only savior I can see." (I think he's forgetting someone rather important.)
A "local evangelical," Joel Tenney, who spoke at a Trump rally in Coralville, Iowa, got no response when he cited Scripture. But the crowd went wild for this: "When Donald Trump becomes the 47th president of the United States, there will be retribution against all those who have promoted evil in this country."
I, too, am a big fan of retribution, but I'm trying to figure out which "enemies" the crowd thinks Trump will rain justice on.
Any good Revenge List would surely have to include The Swamp, criminals, illegal aliens, the people who locked down our country over the flu, and Democrats like Hillary Clinton.
Let's review how Trump treated these problematic groups when he was president.
The Swamp?
He filled his Cabinet with 'em. Trump hired billionaire donors, Goldman Sachs bankers and the kind of people who need lots of illegal alien labor (like Trump). After railing against Goldman throughout the 2016 campaign, Trump ended up hiring more Goldman bankers than Presidents Obama or Bush.
Not surprisingly, the only legislation Trump got through in his first year in office was a tax cut for top earners -- which happened to save the Trump family $4 billion.
Jeb-exclamation-point couldn't be more proud.
Criminals?
Trump sure talks like a badass on crime, describing with gusto the terrible (and unconstitutional) things he'll do to criminals. But as soon as he gets to the Oval Office, he becomes George Soros.
Thus, the only major legislation Trump got through his second year in office was "The First Step Act," releasing drug dealers from prison -- as well as more than a hundred violent criminals and sex offenders.
Why? Because Kim Kardashian told him to. Trump cares more about the opinion of Kim Kardashian than he cares about you, evangelicals.
Even after our country had suffered through four months of hideous violence -- murder, arson, looting -- in honor of George Floyd, at his first debate with Joe Biden, Trump bragged about releasing criminals:
"I'm letting people out of jail now!"
He also attacked Biden for calling repeat violent criminals "super-predators," a name they apparently take exception to. Yes, the main thing voters needed to know about Biden was that he had called violent criminals a mean name.
Illegal aliens?
The reason Biden has been able to admit 6 million illegals in less than three years is that Trump didn't build the wall, as he promised at every single campaign rally for more than a year. He didn't even think about the wall until his last year in office, when he quickly erected 47 miles of fence -- to protect a 2,000-mile border.
How fast do you think a wall will go up when he doesn't need your vote anymore? I guess we have to keep our fingers crossed that Kim Kardashian will decide she wants a wall.
Trump deported fewer illegals than Obama did, tried to push through an amnesty, and constantly praised illegals (up to age 40) as "incredible kids!"
For most of his 2016 campaign, Washington Republicans treated Trump like a toothache. But some people supported him with tensile steel -- me, for example -- and also the "Angel Moms," parents of kids killed by illegals.
After getting elected, Trump hired all establishment types, who proceeded to block the Angel Moms from the White House, lest they talk the president out of signing his third budget bill with no wall funding. Kellyanne Conway and Mercedes Schlapp actually screamed at the Angel Moms -- you know, the people who had supported Trump six months before they had.
If Iowa evangelicals believe it's Angels Moms who have "promoted evil in this country," then I can see why Trump's their guy. But that seems unlikely.
The Lockdown Fascists?
It was Trump who locked down the country. Trump who gave us "two weeks to flatten the curve." Trump who picked Anthony Fauci to lead the White House Coronavirus Task Force. Trump who hung on Fauci's every word. Trump who attacked the governors of Georgia and Florida for reopening "too soon."
As luck would have it, one of those proved-right governors is running for president.
Hillary Clinton?
To the delight of his 2016 rally crowds chanting "LOCK HER UP!" Trump repeatedly promised to put Hillary Clinton in jail. (Nearly as often as he promised to build a wall!)
But then, two weeks after the 2016 election, he told the Times that he had no intention of investigating Hillary. "I don't want to hurt the Clintons," Trump said, adding that she had "suffered greatly in many different ways."
OK, fine. But a year after admitting that the Hillary threat was just hot air, he started blaming his attorney general, Jeff Sessions, for not prosecuting her.
On July 25, 2017, he tweeted, "Attorney General Jeff Sessions has taken a VERY weak position on Hillary Clinton crimes (where are E-mails & DNC server) & Intel leakers!" Then, in September 2017, he told an Alabama crowd chanting "LOCK HER UP!": "You've got to speak to Jeff Sessions about that."
Apparently, it's not just the media who think you guys are "uneducated" and "easily led."
If you hate the media, evangelicals -- and I think you should -- please prove them wrong about how easy it is to con you.