OPINION
Premium

The Atlantic Hate Store Varieties

Brad Slager
Brad Slager  |  Jun 27, 2023
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

06.27.23

Pulitzer Prize Nomination – THE ATLANTIC

  • When the worst thing facing you in a store is the varied selection…

Sometimes you have to ask how some items find their way into print. Seriously, who would sit at an editor's desk and either listen to a pitch or receive a column submission regarding the claim of the nefarious nature of a shopper being offered a wealth of options at the grocer?!

At The Atlantic, they were perfectly open to running a piece by Adam Fleming Petty, who proposes that Americans are facing the dire scourge in our shopping center – options of products! He is seriously proposing that we need to limit the shopping selections of items in stores for one significant reason: Adam becomes a basket case and is petrified by anxiety when faced with orange juice decisions!

On a recent afternoon, while running errands before I had to pick up my kids from school, I froze in the orange-juice aisle of a big-box store. So many different brands lay before me: Minute Maid, Simply, Tropicana, Dole, Florida’s Natural, Sunny D—not to mention the niche organic labels. And each brand offered juices with various configurations of pulp, vitamins, and concentrate. The sheer plenitude induced a kind of paralysis: Overwhelmed by the choices on offer, I simply could not make one. I left the store without any orange juice.

Blue-Anon – MSNBC

Recommended

Here's Why GOP Lawmakers Aren't Surprised by That Treasonous Leak to Iran Katie Pavlich
CNN's Scott Jennings Tears Liz Cheney Apart for Her Latest Comments on Campaign Trail Rebecca Downs
  • We could have avoided the Insurrection if only Harrison Ford had debated Rommel!

It is all kinds of amusing to see a journalist's elitism writ large by making wild proclamations based on sweeping assumptions of their dense readership. At Joy Reid's network, Noah Berlatsky saw the latest Indiana Jones release and noted a significant problem. While once again – like the previous four installments in the franchise – Jones is waging a battle against the Nazis, the film falls short of one significant detail: It never explains why the Nazis are the bad guys! And worse still – this failure leads to January 6-type upheaval in this country!

But unfortunately, the latest Indiana Jones installment continues a Hollywood tradition of punching Nazis without doing much to explain why Nazis are bad or how you recognize them. Hollywood’s simplifications can make it harder to do the right thing in the real world, where the villains don’t always cover themselves in convenient swastikas. Punching ideas is tricky, and fascism is an idea first, before it persuades people to wear armbands or storm the U.S. Capitol. 

Simply…amazing.

Race to the Bottom – REUTERS

For reasons that appear to possibly be done to set up the argument in favor of reparations (we mean, seriously, what other purpose was there?!), Reuters delivers an extensive report on how many leaders in this country descended from former slave owners. Current and former leaders are displayed, with the guilt of something heavily attached. Yet, these geniuses managed to come to a conclusion they probably did not anticipate and certainly did not want to be displayed.

Among the prominent names was every single president, living or dead – including President Obama – save for one. Only Donald Trump is exempted from this list of shameful histories.

Legalized Press-titution – NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO

  • When it comes to being scared, the evidence seems to flow in the other direction.

In the Up First newsletter from NPR, correspondent Lennon Sherburne delivers a deeply sympathetic message regarding the LGBT𝜋 movement, especially in reflection of June being Pride Month and all of the alleged "anti-trans" legislation surfacing in states across the nation.

Sherburne first attempts to equate the Pride Flag with the Stars & Stripes, as she witnessed one abandoned flag lying on the ground after a gay pride event. (Dare we ask who had discarded the emblem in distaff fashion?)

After mentioning how the American flag has been traditionally burned after touching the ground, the writer lapses into some deep melodrama to describe the current state of the movement these days:

I do know that we — the queers, queens, dykes and enbies — are burning. Our lives and history are being set aflame to preserve this country’s 'values.' The Human Rights Campaign declared a nationwide state of emergency for LGBTQ+ people this month. Hundreds of anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been introduced in Congress, and more than 70 have been signed into law this year. A flame can turn deadly in under a minute. Maybe 2023 is the year of kerosene and politics.

Once again, it needs to be pointed out that the same people who insist that "homophobia" and "transphobia" are behind anything that is less-than-100% fealty to the cause are the same ones who deliver this level of talk about all the dangers and violence that will be visited upon them if complete capitulation does not take place. 

They accuse others of fear while intoning all manner of doom is on the horizon for their membership.

Anti-Social Media – SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN

Continuing the bewildering downward spiral of this once august publication, the woke-intists writing at Scientific American have piled on with the practice of looking for anything resembling enjoyment and crapping all over the practice with their hysterics. That is if people enjoying themselves even considered entertaining the blather coming from the likes of Amy Brady.

She attempts to suggest that people enjoying the finer potables in life should consider imbibing "climate-friendly cocktails," and one of the key components of these elixirs would be to forego the use of ice. 

We are far too polite in this column to actually say what we would like in response to such a demand. Also, we're far too polite to throw an empty bottle of bourbon or toss a barstool at anyone making such a suggestion, so we would rather approach them in a genteel fashion and suggest they exit the premises, lest things actually turn to those ugly options. 

"Riffed from the Headlines" is Townhall's daily VIP feature with coverage of the deeply flawed aspects of journalism in the nation, where Brad Slager looks to bring accountability to the mishaps, malaprops, misdeeds, manipulations, malpractice, and manufactured narratives in mainstream media.