Some Democrat state senator from Rhode Island decided to twerk on video in a thong while upside down and that is the most on-brand move ever for the Dems. They are trapped by their own ridiculous tolerance into defending this ample-bottomed trollop and her grim bum-shaking. What the hell is this twerking fascination anyway?
My new non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America is out and it’s a good time to reflect on writing and to pressure you shamelessly to go buy the damn thing. If you do, Regnery promises not to shoot my dog.
I Do Not Get The Butt Wiggling Thing
I am unhip, and I think it’s because I am handicapped by having dignity. I neither wish to wiggle my Chuck Schumer at strangers nor do I wish to see maidens of various ages, genders, and, grimly, tonnages, doing the same. The point of twerking is lost on me.
But then, I am not a Democrat so I don’t have to believe it’s not both ridiculous and grody.
But it is certainly a thing. There’s that Democrat state senator who feels it necessary to give us a peek from an angle that should be reserved for her gynecologist – be warned, it is NSFL (Not Safe for Lunch). Not shockingly, this libertine legislator seeks to inflict upon kids “queer inclusive, pleasure-based sex ed.” And this rite is spreading.
People block ambulances with their tacky butt dances. Local criminals twerk as part of their crime sprees. I assume popular music videos are full of twerking as well, but after about 1989 new music ceased being interesting to me so I can’t be sure.
But I can be sure that this is idiotic and gross and that transgressive attacks on personal dignity are part of the same cultural warfare that forces us to confront trash but not to point out that it is, in fact, manifestly trash. And this bizarre ritual certainly is. We are supposed to accept it as normal and beautiful, and therefore be complicit in the degradation it spreads. Count me out.
There are two ways the cultural offensive of cultural offensiveness can go. Society can accept this and other cultural middle fingers, or it can retaliate. I feel the backlash coming – and pretty soon the progressive movement that waves its collective ass in our collective face might just find it getting kicked.
Time To Whine About Being An Author
By now, you may have heard of my new non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America. And if you haven’t, I have failed miserably at the most important task of an author. That is, selling books.
I published my first thing in fourth grade in the San Mateo Times. I have it somewhere – it was a 50-word piece about an aircraft carrier my teacher sent in. Other kids were writing about flowers or happiness and I was writing about a death ship o’ doom.
I guess I was based even as a kid.
I always wanted to be a writer, mostly because I never really considered it work. I still see it as something of a scam – I write things and people give me money. That’s pretty cool. It sure beats hard work like mopping out toilets or marching around carrying a rucksack (both of which I have done), or demeaning like being on CNN (where I famously got Don Lemon angry at me for the crime of being awesome).
The new book is Number 10 – four non-fic and six novels in the People's Republic series. Right now, I am pounding out Novel VII. It’s called “Inferno” and it’s pretty lit. I am 36,000 words in and the novels are about 105,000 words. The release target is mid-September, and the cover is nearly done (My artist Salty has outdone himself on this one), but I need to find time to write the rest and edit it.
Writing a novel is easy. You visualize it and write it. Don’t listen to people who tell you writing is hard. Moving furniture is hard (I did that too). Writing is so easy it’s practically a scam. The new novel? Easy. I have some cool sequences in mind and the people who have read it like it so far. I broke the story eating a cheeseburger at a diner today – that means I figured out the last plot point for the story (No, I do not outline my books). But now I gotta actually write it. All while selling the current one.
The current one, We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America, is pretty cool, and you should buy it. It’s more personal in some ways than others, and it talks about tough subjects like civil wars and national divorces. Here’s how I write, in case you care – I write like a lawyer, an Army officer, and a stand-up. A lawyer has a page limit in his briefs. Every sentence has to make a point. An Army guy is talking to young men hopped up on testosterone – you have to be very clear with no fluff. And in comedy, every sentence must be a set-up, punch-line, or a tag (a “tag” is a laugh built off the punchline). So there’s no room for bloated, meandering crap. I try to make a point, teach something, or get a laugh in every line.
Any sentence that fails to do at least one of these things must die. Sorry. In the new one, I mixed in some fictional vignettes to illustrate how some of the horrific scenarios I warn about effect normal people. I think fiction is a great way to make points. What I don’t want to be is one of those bow-tied virgin dork conservatives who goes on and on about Locke and Hobbes and how he never scored with any chicks and how Trump’s mean tweets make him sad.
Sissies. I write like a man, damnit.
People ask me how to get started as a writer. It’s easy. Write. Figure out something you want to say and put it on paper. A lot of people want to be writers. The reason they are not is that they don’t write. As you can see from the dreck pumped out by some successful writers, being able to write well is not a prerequisite. You can write crap and get published.
Writing is annoying sometimes. I will write a column that I am sure will kill and it does okay but doesn’t break through. I write another and think it’s good but not great and it will go viral and I’ll get media calls to talk about it. Nobody knows nothing.
I do shamelessly promote, as you can see from my constant demands that you immediately buy We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America. You see people on Twitter chiding me because I am so blatantly selling the book. Yes, I intentionally and on purpose attempt to convince people to buy my books. You have correctly assessed my strategy. If you can’t sell your writing, you know what it is? It’s nothing.
Buy my book. You will dig it. That’s the thing – you gotta give quality of people won’t come back. And I plan to be around for a while.
Get my just-released non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America and don’t forget my Kelly Turnbull series of conservative action novels. The latest is The Split, but get all these action-packed bestsellers, including People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, Collapse, and Crisis!
Plus, maximize your Townhall VIP access beyond just this extra Wednesday column by checking out my weekly Stream of Kurtiousness video and my Monday Unredacted podcast!
My super-secret email address is kurt.schlichter@townhall.com.