Get your hip waders ready, the Democratic National Convention is starting tomorrow and considering what they’re selling, expect the bovine excrement to get very deep very quickly. Imagine having to convince someone that a Fiero is really a Porsche. That’s the heavy lift Democrats are facing with trying to sell Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to the American people. It may work, the public has elected some horrible people in our history, but we’ve seen through some of the greatest grifts, 2016 comes to mind. With the DNC around the corner, here’s a critical look at what to expect and how to view it.
The only way to judge a political convention is to look at the speakers and put them in the proper perspective. Here’s who the nation will hear from and what you need to know about what they’ll say.
Monday speakers:
Bernie Sanders: Who are they kidding? Bernie is the de facto nominee. While his name isn’t on the ticket, everything else about him is. His rabid socialist agenda IS the party’s platform, but he won’t say that. He’ll use the word “progressive," a word with a history of racism (look up the eugenics movement) and lust for power (again, look up eugenics). That they still use the word is a testament to both to the Left's boldness and the failures of public schools to actually educate people about the truth of the 20th century’s greatest monsters. Communism, socialism, and fascism are all “progressive” philosophies created on the belief that an “elite” know what is best for everyone else and how society should be structured. Comrade Sanders has transformed the Democratic Party, remolding it into his own image. It makes sense that he’d kick off the propagandizing.
Governors Gretchen Whitmer and Andrew Cuomo: Two governors responsible for more deaths in nursing homes than the cancellation of Matlock will be celebrated as conquering heroes. The media will dutifully sniff their thrones and not mention that fact.
Former Republican Governor John Kasich: Who cares? I only mention him because the over/under on the number of times he mentions his father was postman is seven. Take the over.
Michelle Obama: As someone whose major life accomplishment is marrying a guy who can read a teleprompter and milking it for tens of millions, expect her to focus on how women and girls are empowered by Democrats to do anything. Or something else equally hypocritical.
Tuesday speakers:
Chuck Schumer: The leader of the Democrats in the Senate will probably not talk about how he looks to Nancy Pelosi for his orders. Rather, he’ll likely whine about the post office.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The chief racist of the new generation of fascistic Democrats will reportedly only be given one minute to speak. This gives her time to recite the entirety of her accumulated knowledge…twice.
Bill Clinton: Remember when Democrats were disavowing him as a sexual deviant and saying they should have called for his resignation during the Kavanaugh hearings? #MeToo movement be damned. Of course, that was only done because it was useful at the time. Now that it’s not, the globetrotting, island-hopping pal of Jeffrey Epstein is the highlight of the night.
Jill Biden: After the former pervert-in-chief, who cares? The only notable bit will be how she’s referred to as “Dr. Biden.” If someone screams out, “I need a doctor!” and you reply, “I’m a doctor,” but you can’t help in a medical emergency, you aren’t a doctor.
Wednesday speakers:
Nancy Pelosi: Don’t expect her to deliver a rambling speech full of her usual garbled words. The Polident will be in full effect so there won’t be any denture slippage. That won’t impact the insanity of what she’ll say, only its delivery.
Hillary Clinton: Their last failed candidate, also known for capitalizing on who she married, will be on message about Democrats breaking barriers for women. Unmentioned will be how she was condemned as an enabler of abuse of women by her husband, which was also given lip-service during the Kavanaugh hearings.
Kamala Harris: She’ll largely focus on attacking the president, but will take time to mention how she overcame the adversity of growing up the child of two successful college professors and living in Canada. We’ll hear about the racism over which she triumphed on the mean streets and hotbeds of bigotry like Berkeley, California, and Montreal, Quebec. No shout-out will be given to former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown who gave Harris her start in politics in exchange for serving as his side-piece, back when Harris was 30 and Brown was 60 (It must’ve been love, because what 30-year-old doesn’t long to sleep with a 60-year-old married man?). She’ll be an inspiration to all women, or something. She’ll also mention her mother being from India because it will be politically useful.
Barack Obama: Honestly, is there anyone who has made more money off their “public service” than Barack Obama? No one needs a Biden win more than him. The house of cards is collapsing around him, as the investigation into his administration’s spying on President Trump is being exposed. If Biden wins, he and his legacy will be protected. He’d trade all his mansions, millions of dollars, vacations with George Clooney, and probably even his children for that.
Thursday speakers:
The final night is actually pretty un-compelling. Failed candidates like Cory Booker and Mayor Pete, the Governor of California, the Mayor of Atlanta, and other uninteresting people. It’s a testament to how uninteresting the party is. There’s also “the Biden family.” Will Hunter be there? What about his new son, the one he tried desperately to deny being the father to? How many of the other Bidens who’ve gotten rich trading off the family name will be there?
Joe Biden: Of course, the whole thing leads up to the main event and the big question: will his meds kick in and work for a solid hour? Half the time he speaks, Joe sounds like someone falling asleep while drunk. Since Joe doesn’t drink, it just serves to remind people of how much he’s deteriorated. Will he have the energy? Maybe they can hit up Hunter’s cocaine guy for a little bump to get by. Unfortunately for Biden, the only real difference between a sleepy Joe and an energized Joe is volume level and an increased likelihood of saying something stupid. When he’s tired, he mostly sticks to the script but it's boring. When he’s ramped up, he tends to wander. I can only imagine the various pharmaceutical combinations that have been tried to find at least a temporary balance between the two. The length of his speech will let you know how large of a window they think they’ve managed to create.
Whatever happens, and no matter how awful the virtual convention is, the media will love it. They could pre-record their analysis and take the week off.
They won’t. They’ll drool and fawn because it’s who they are. And Joe Biden is the delivery device for what they want. To protect their objective, all Democrats – those speaking as part of the convention and those covering it under the cover of journalism – are going to lie, cheat, steal, and spin like the world has never seen. In addition to those waders, you’d better have a bucket handy too.
Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!), host of a daily radio show onvWCBM in Maryland, and author of the book,vOutrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter and on Parler at @DerekHunter.