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Defund the Feds

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana, File

There is a giant commodities shortage in America right now thanks to the incompetence of our leadership class (including a Secretary of Transportation taking paternity leave for a baby he didn’t have), but one thing that has been in really short supply for a while is good apples. The shelves are bare; the only apples we see are rotten and wormy. We always hear about how the federal agencies, which are increasingly being used as the personal Stasi of the ruling caste to protect their positions, powers, and prestige against challenges by us peasants, are filled with hard-working professionals upholding their oaths. See, there are only a few bad apples doing all the bad stuff. All the rank and file are groovy.


And I got a brand-new unicorn to sell you cheap.

As I’ve asked before, where are all the good apples? We’re over half of a decade into the FBI actively intervening in favor of the Democrat party to snuff out dissent and opposition, and what is the name of a single heir to Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.’s sturdy Inspector Erskine who has stood up and pulled the pin on his, her, or (increasingly) xir, career because the FBI’s shenanigans are a gross violation of their principles.

No one.


Not happening.

And in the few instances of transitory accountability, like for that lying sack of Schumer Andrew McCabe, justice is gleefully denied. He got fired for lying as part of the conspiracy to undermine our democracy – which we were told was a bad thing to do when normal people wandered around Capitol hill snapping selfies – and the Biden regime just “settled” his bullSchiff lawsuit by giving him back pay, his pension, and wiping his record clean.

No one has quit over this. But let’s keep pretending the people perpetuating the system are somehow heroes worthy of our respect.

Where was the outrage over trying to frame Donald Trump, and succeeding in framing a bunch of his people, in order to ensure our 2016 votes were meaningless?

How about over hunting down mere trespassers in the Capitol and sending militarized SWAT teams to break down their doors?


Why is no one resigning over the cartels importing hundreds of thousands of illegals?

Catch any Chi-Com spies lately?

Whatever happened to Hunter’s coke-encrusted laptop? And anyone at the Bureau’s public corruption section checking out his modern art scam? 

How about those agents who saved the Stepford Governor from being kidnapped in a conspiracy created by those agents? 

How about those perjured FISA warrants?

Remember the Las Vegas shooter – what was up with that?

And moreover, how many mass shooters did the FBI know about in advance?

But, you know, the real threat to the United States of the Liberal Establishment is mad moms daring to petition their government for the redress of grievances.

Remember – we have not heard of a single agent quitting because they refuse to be a part of this. Not one. Not even when they were ordered to monitor that recent protest in their adorable cuffed jeans shorts.

And if they eagerly follow those orders, why would you think there’s an order to oppress you they would decline to obey?

Really, think it through. They have not drawn a line at perjury or framing people, or dressing like they were waiting to get into a Hootie & the Blowfish concert, so where would they draw the line?

There isn’t a line they won’t cross to secure their pensions. Just ask the kids at Waco. Oh wait, they’re burned to a crisp.


Sad but true.

Hell, at least when trans pioneer J. Edgar Hoover was in charge, they were breaking the law to hassle commies and pinkos. Now normals are the target. And we normals get to pay taxes to support our own repression. 

Time to defund the feds.

This agency is beyond redemption, so we need to end the Federal Bureau of Investigation for good. We must defund the federal police – a federal police force we probably shouldn’t have in the first place.

Now, we as individuals can do our part by aggressively exercising our rights under the increasingly-optional Constitution to refuse to speak to the FBI without our attorneys present. They hate that. Also, as we have learned, they hate to record interviews, which is super-convenient because, again as we have seen, their post ex facto written reports can be massaged into the finding(s) they want. There was a time when normal Americans were proud to give their assistance to the world’s preeminent law enforcement agency. But that was before the FBI chose to become an armed arm of a particular political faction. Choices have consequences. All that goodwill? Flushed. Now, you are frankly nuts to trust the FBI. We know, because we saw what happened to Mike Flynn when he trusted the FBI.

And you must treat evidence from the FBI like all other evidence when serving as a juror. In criminal trials, the FBI’s word used to be gold for a jury. In fact, it was always too golden – we citizens should have been more demanding, but its reputation meant that when an agent spoke on the stand, the jurors nodded. The feds have a 99.6%+ conviction rate for a reason. It is vital that you do your civic duty as jurors and that you treat testifying FBI agents as you would any other witnesses, with no bias for or against. This is very important. As a juror, you must not be biased. To serve, you must be able to honestly answer when asked by the judge if you can approach the testimony and witnesses without bias. You can. You must listen to an FBI agent’s testimony and treat it just like every other witness’s testimony – believe or disbelieve it based on the facts and your impression of the witness. The FBI never should have had an advantage in court – its conduct has helped fix that problem, and now you jurors must hold its testimony to the same standard as any other testimony.


Those are things you can do as a citizen. But as a party, the GOP must get out of its comfort zone and act. We are so used to being the “pro-law enforcement” party that we fail to critically examine the beneficiaries of our support. Every year, the GOP complains about the FBI and other organizations that are intervening in politics on behalf of Democrats, and every year GOP reps and senators vote to fund them.

That needs to end. The filibuster will prevent funding the FBI and like organizations without our cooperation, and our cooperation should come with a price tag. First, we need to cut the budget, hard. Second, we need some changes in the agencies – like a law requiring every interview be taped and that the information obtained in untaped interviews is not admissible. And we need to uphold standards with a law mandating an additional prison term of years for any FBI agent who perjures himself or otherwise tries to frame a citizen. Of course, that assumes an uncorrupt DoJ, but we must demolish one failed institution at a time.

Neither reform should bother all those good apples out there, right?

Now, we aren’t going to be able to eliminate the FBI right away, but when President DeSantis or Trump II comes in, we can. It’s a given that the Director needs to be fired about ten seconds after the new president completes the oath, and his replacement needs to come in with the intent of overseeing the dismantling of the Bureau. Its relatively few proper functions – we have far too many federal criminal laws on the books – can be sent to other agencies. Then that hideous Hoover office building in DC can be torn down and a new museum to freedom erected on the accursed vacant lot.


Time to defund the feds.

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