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OPINION
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I Hate American Women's Soccer

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/David J. Phillip

Hey, everybody! Welcome to the "Stream of Kurtiousness," the Townhall VIP special video thingamajig that happens and occurs and also takes place. Here we are, so much in the news. I don't know where to start. I should start with my books. My new one, "The Split," is out. As you can see behind me, subtly, I have my other books. This one has come out. Here's what's happened with "The Split." It sold like 3,000 in the first 60 hours. Now, there's another guy, who's a potato named Brian Stelter, and he put his book out on the media. I forget what it was called. I don't know, something about being scalloped, I guess. I'm unaware. So, he puts out this book, and it sells 2,000 copies in the first week. Me? First 60 hours, 3,000. BOOM. Take that, you mashed potato.

Warning: Contains Strong, Explicit Language

It just shows that there's this giant hunger out there, folks—this giant yearning for conservative entertainment. And I write about that at Townhall frequently, and my Townhall column for today is about destroying Hollywood. And we need to destroy it and build something on the ashes because I'm really tired of the garbage. If you go on Netflix, it's all woke crap. Every single bit of it. It's like, "We have a new mini-series, and it's about somebody who's differently-abled." Give me a good story with a good character, I don't really care about these peripheral things, but the peripheral things are everything to them. 

And why do they do this? Why is there this obsession with CRT? You have it in education; you have it in the military (the failed military). By the way, the best line in that Townhall column is when I reimagine "Animal House," and I point out that the character of Neidermeyer is replaced by Milley. So that occurred.

And, of course, CRT happens in the entertainment industry. Why are they so obsessed like this? There are a couple of reasons.

First of all, the kind of people who push this are not accomplished people. These are not achievers. These are not people who have done anything. People who achieve, of any race, gender, whatever, ableist status, don't care about the obstacles. And they go out and succeed. They don't need something to help them succeed because they're otherwise failures. The CRT people are losers.

Do you think Ibram Kendi, also known as Henry Rogers (which I think is his government name), what the hell could this clown do? He writes these books. General Milley reads them, apparently, because it's important to read garbage. 

This guy has discovered the perfect scam because he's not an achiever. He's not smart. He's not interesting. He's not particularly hard-working. He's just a clown who discovered that the guilty suburban white women whose sexually unsatisfied marriages lead them to guzzle Screwtop Chardonnay from Trader Joe's need something to fill up their lives. Remember, the CRT women are the same women who bought "Fifty Shades of Gray." These are the same ones. They are the ones who have emptied their lives of anything like tradition, anything like normalcy. They have bought into a bunch of leftist lies. They have embraced a culture of emptiness, sometimes even death. I mean, abortion is just a death cult. It's no different than the Carthaginians sacrificing their kids to Moloch. Hey, how'd that go for you, Carthaginians!? 

Anyway, you have these horrible women, and they see something here that they can fill their lives up because they're certainly not filling it with Jesus. And that's CRT. "Oh my gosh, I have a new religion. I can chase down heretics because that's a lot of fun, and I can show my commitment, and I can generally be full of meaning instead of full of this void that used to be all things like family and faith." 

So basically, these scammers who can't do anything else in life, they're certainly not going to achieve in other ways, have found this tool (CRT). They have found a willing audience of broken people, all of whom voted for Biden, to buy their garbage. Then they can walk around thinking they're good people even though they're not good people because they interrogate their own privilege. 

It's pretty pathetic. I have to hand it to them, though. I appreciate the scam. I'm not against somebody making a buck. CRT is just so tremendously destructive it's going to split our country in half. OH, OH, OH, WOAH! We call that a tie-in, folks. BOOM!

Speaking of boom, this is great. I love this. I hate American women's soccer. Now, I hate soccer because I'm a man and I'm an American. And I hate women's soccer not because women play it; I'm all for women going out and being athletic and building up their strength and stuff. I hate it because it's the ultimate CRT sport. It's the ultimate sport for the blue state Chamblis women that I just described.

When they got to the Olympics, they had been on a winning streak, apparently. They had won like 44 games in a row. Apparently, they hadn't played any high school boys teams lately because the last time they did, boys kicked their asses. And they play the national anthem, and all but three of them kneel. Picture three standing up and the rest kneeling. And I'm like, "You b**ches."

That is such freaking garbage. I cannot believe that you're doing this. That is such trash. I really, really don't dig that. It's annoying because it's so arrogant, and it's so disrespectful of people who have actually sacrificed something instead of being parasites all their life. Because you look at them, and none of them have ever done anything except play a freaking game and kick a ball around. And they're judging us? They're disrespecting us? I'm not going to pretend that's okay. I'm not going to pretend I like it. 

Anyway, they go to this soccer game, and they meet the Swedish women, and it's like the Swedish bikini team, except they're playing soccer. I mean, it's like, "Hi, I'm Inga. I'm very, very breasty." Wow. 

So the Swedish meatballs of Team IKEA destroyed the woke women of American women's soccer. They beat them 3-0, which apparently is a big score in soccer. If you get like 1-0, that's like the greatest game ever. Soccer is ass. Let's just throw that out there.

So they lose, and I'm ecstatic because I want them to fail. I want them to be humiliated. I want their failure to be on display for everyone because I despise them. And you may be like, "Kurt, how can you stand against your team?" B**ches ain't my team! I didn't vote for them. Did you vote for them? They're not my team. 

In fact, they told me they're not my team. How do I know? Because they kneeled! That's how I know. That's how I know they're not my team. "Oh, now they're my team! Now they need me! Oh, we should pay them more, too! For losing..."

And you have that Megan Rapinoe. She's like the captain of the team. She has purple hair. She's now a Victoria's Secret model, and she looks like a freaking man. Okay? I'll say it because apparently, no one else will. I don't want women who look like men. Now, I have my woman. I'm talking in a more general sense, and I think I speak for a lot of men who prefer women who look like women.

First of all, Rapinoe's obnoxious, she's arrogant, and she's stupid, and she's not attractive. And this comes into play with the whole Victoria's Secret thing. I know I've talked about it before. Victoria's Secret has decided its new business model, which is resulting in mass closings across the United States, is to get rid of attractive women that women want to be and get fat and ugly women that women don't want to be. "These are real women." No! No! Megan Rapinoe is not a real woman. Megan Rapinoe is a giant mistake. She's an annoying person. She has ridiculous hair. And she looks like a dude. 

I understand exactly why they want to dissolve gender identities, why they want to dissolve family bonds, why they want to suppress our religion, why they want to suppress us. It's all about power. And they put a dude on Sports Illustrated! This is remarkable. I mean, I totally expect it, and I'm bored by it, okay? I'm bored by it. It's like, "A prom in Butthole Pass, Montana, has rebelled by putting a girl as prom king and a boy as prom queen. That'll show you bourgeoisie squares! Blow your minds!"

I'm kind of bored by all that. I'm kind of bored by Sports Illustrated putting a dude on the cover who's dressed like a chick. It's supposed to freak me out. It doesn't freak me out, I find it tiresome, and I find it hilarious. You know, Playboy kind of did that. Playboy stopped having attractive women. They're like, "You know, for too long, we've catered to what men want, so let's force sh** the men don't want down their throats, and they'll give us money." Here's a spoiler: They didn't give you money! And Sports Illustrated, they won't get money either. 

This is called creative destruction. You have to test things. You have to try things. Some things fail. Making your audience hate you by giving them sh** they find repellant...that test isn't going to work! But go ahead and test it. Roll the dice; let's see how it goes. Let's see how it goes for you. Maybe it'll work out well. What the hell do I know? I'm just not an idiot.

So, a lot is going on.

Oh, my other favorite, Liz Cheney. That freaking, I'd call her a reptile, but I like reptiles. Snakes and stuff are cool. Oh, crocodiles. Lots of crocodiles in "The Split." Anyway, Liz Cheney, that insect. We'll call her an insect. I have to call her something. I don't know if that really works. She's the Beltway Cowgirl. She's decided that she's going to be part of the fake witch hunt tribunal over the "MUH insurrection." You know, the minor fracas of January 6. Every single participant should be pardoned, by the way, because the persecution is just ridiculous, and we shouldn't have it. But Cheney has decided to participate, and Pelosi has decided that she's not going to allow certain Republicans on the committee because they're not going to give the answers she wants. And Kevin McCarthy said, "Oh okay, screw you, we're not going to do any of it." 

Let them have their committee. They will have their committee. Is there anyone who cares? Seriously, out on the street, I've heard people complaining about inflation, gas prices, crime. Has anyone gone, "You know, the big problem, grandma's taking selfies in the Rotunda! I can't even!" No, no one cares.

So, you Democrats go down that road. Make 2022 about an event that was on par with a typical Saturday night frat party. And you go to do that, and you see how that works. I think I know how it works. I think it's going to work poorly. I think you're going to lose like an American women's soccer team to a bunch of Brunhilda hotties from Stockholm. This is the "Stream of Kurtiousness."

I want you to go out and get "The Split" right now. You can get it on Amazon. Get "The Split." It's good; it really is. And follow me on Twitter and go to my Locals page, where you get all sorts of Kurt stuff. I'm doing a lot of media. I'm posting everything over there. 

So, get "The Split." Follow me on Twitter, on Locals. Are you reading all of my Townhall stuff? If not, your life is empty, and you will die alone and unloved as a member of The Lincoln Project, probably in the back of an unmarked Ford Econo-line van with a bunch of toys and a sign that says "Free Puppies." So, that's it for today! I'll be talking to you soon. Adios, buh-bye!

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