Opinion

There’s Dumb And Then There’s Impeachment Dumb

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Posted: Oct 03, 2019 12:01 AM
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent the views of Townhall.com.
There’s Dumb And Then There’s Impeachment Dumb

Source: AP Photo/Evan Vucci

The Democrats are experiencing the giddy delight of having finally summoned up the stones to push the big red “IMPEACHMENT!” button. Their tawdry joy will pass. It’s a dumb idea, and they will soon regret it. This sorry scenario brings to mind Napoleon’s apocryphal advice to never interrupt your enemy when he, she or xe is making a mistake, and if the cheesy performance art piece that is this bogus scandal wasn’t so poisonous to our body politic, it would be hilarious.   

Right now, the Dems are thrilled because they’re finally free of the tyranny of fairness and honesty and coherence, and they can indulge their deepest fantasies of frog-marching The Donald out of the Oval Office, to be replaced with Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit – wait, that’s not right. Why, that’s not right at all. They would replace Donald Trump with…Mike Pence, who will probably do the same things that have made Trump so successful without all the tweeting. 

They have not thought this through. The Democrats are basically the proverbial dog that chases the car and finally catches it, then thinks, in fluent Terrier, “Okay, what the hell do I do now?” Only this analogy breaks down because dogs are cool. So are cars, except Priuses packing “COEXIST” or faded “I’m With Her” bumper stickers. In contrast, all Democrats are lame.

What is the plan here? They seem to be making it up as they stagger along. They latched onto this Ukraine thing about Bolivia Boy Biden and just went with it, not stopping to consider that outside their perverted coastal blue enclaves, people are going to look at him and think not that he’s the innocent victim of BAD ORANGE MAN but that he’s a crack-huffing, sibling widow-diddling weirdo. 

Where is Hunter Biden right now, anyway? If we had an actual media that wasn’t a garbage coterie of Democratic transcriptionists, we’d be seeing a dozen TV vans parked outside whatever flophouse he’s squatting in right about now. But we do have a media that’s a garbage coterie of Democratic transcriptionists.

And regular people will see that.

This impeachment idea is bound to bite them in the Schumer because it’s just so dumb that it can’t possibly resonate with normal people. I do a fair bit of media, and one hostile radio caller was especially interesting. I listed many of Snortie’s myriad failings – I don’t remember if I brought up the crack pipe he left in a rental car or not – then asked her if she was bothered by the fact that this guy who has probably spent less time in Ukraine than I have (I did four trips there training their Army) and speaks less of the language than I do (I can order vodka – wait, I bet Boy Biden can too) got himself a $50K a moon sinecure on an oligarch’s board while daddy happened to be the veep.

She said “No.”

This was A-OK, cool, good-to-go. Thumbs up.

All right, normal people look at this situation and think, at best, “That’s sorta shady.” You cannot objectively assess this scenario and believe, “It’s totally normal. I’m sure that when he’s not face-diving into a towering heap of Medellin go-powder, Hunter probably brings a lot to the table that has nothing to do with Pappy Joe being the vice-president.”

The only people who actually believe this are, to use the clinical term, nuts. They make up a small but loud contingent. The people behind this exercise in futility are mostly the cynical libs online and in DC who will play along with what they know is a joke hoping they can undo 2016. So do the cruise-shilling Fredocon hacks of Conservative, Inc., who are eager to sign on and shed their dignity publicly – they usually only do that behind closed doors since, as Ace of Spades teaches, the shame is part of the kink – in order to try to salvage their tawdry Swamp status.

But to everyone else, this is just stupid. We’re supposed to be outraged that Trump (not really, but go with it) tried to have his lawyers dig up dirt on his political opponents, that he consulted with foreign governments to do so, that he used the power of his office to influence the election? Wasn’t that exactly how we got Russiagate? So, basically, when the Dems do it, it’s a crucial quest for justice and when Trump does it OMIGOSH THE NORMS THEY ARE BROKEN!

Yeah, right. Pass.

The media is going to try to chill out the terrified purple district Dems with soothing polls that explain how the majority of Americans love the idea of impeachment – just don’t look at those cross-tabs too closely! Now, impeachment is probably super-popular in big, blue dumb states like California and New York. But this kind of poll-skewing implies that this clusterfark is not so popular in normal places. You know, the places where the election will actually be decided? After all, Trump can lose CA and NY by 20 points and still win, and he can lose CA and NY by 40 points and still win.

The Dems are going to flunk out of the Electoral College again.

Impeachment is all fun and games for now. Schiff is in the spotlight and loving it. The media is collectively wetting itself. And the House is going to eventually vote 218 to 217 – Nancy will give as many purples a pass as she can – to pull the trigger. And then it will go over to the Murder Turtle’s lair and the first thing that Senate Majority Leader McConnell will do is issue a subpoena to Hunter Biden to come chat at the trial. That will be fun.

Hey, Gropey Joe’s snort-unate son might actually show up if the invitation comes from someone nicknamed Cocaine Mitch.

The elite does not want you or anyone else to imagine the terrifying consequences of their coup-play, but you have no obligation to obey those fussy sissies. Check out my action-packed yet hilarious novels of America torn apart by liberal shenanigans, People's RepublicIndian Country and Wildfire (plus Book Number IV comes out this November)!