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Militant Normals Are In A Cold Civil War With America’s Alleged Elite

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

We’re in the middle of a non-kinetic civil war between the Normals who built, feed, and defend this country and an elite that can’t – or worse, won’t – even stop hobos from defiling our sidewalks. We face a decision point – what next? Either we get even more militant – Trump was a symptom, not the cause – or our useless ruling class, which hates our guts, is going to stamps its Birkenstocks into our faces forever.


Today, my new book Militant Normals: How Regular Americans Are Rebelling Against the Elite to Reclaim Our Democracy drops like one of those napalm air strikes honesty advocate and war hero Dick Blumenthal called in on Charlie in ‘Nam, except my book is an actual thing. Built on many of the themes, ideas, and vicious catchphrases I’ve developed here at Townhall, Militant Normals is an uncensored 288-page manifesto on how we Normals are fighting back against our myriad enemies: Bitter feminist crones, self-hating beta males, radical race hustlers, socialist hipsters with stupid tatts, goose-steeping SJWs, media potatoheads and – perhaps most loathsome – the cruise-shilling Fredocon geebos of Conservative, Inc., who yearn to be stuffed back in their comfortable gimp boxes to await their liberal masters’ summons.

Ahoy, Flake-loving losers, iceberg right ahead! Yeah, if you think George Will is an awesome voice of True Conservatism™, you may wanna pick up Stormy Daniels’s autobiography instead. It drops the same day, but I’m confident we appeal to different demographics. Mine is the story of people like us fighting for our rights, not a travelogue chronicling interesting genitals I’ve met on my life journey from pole to pole.


The first chapter chronicles my morph from anti-Trump to Trump-curious to “This guy’s fulfilling all my conservative fantasies like no one since Reagan!” It also provides the inside scoop on my legendary on-air battle with Don Lemon over Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit’s decades of perv enabling.

Then a couple chapters talk about Normals and who they are – thriller writer and friend Matt Betley gave me input on the part about Marines (Normals do America’s fighting; elites do its posing) and the amazing Salena Zito gave me some insights from her out-of-the-bubble reporting. There’s some good stuff there, if I say so myself, and being a cavalry officer and an LA trial lawyer with a giant ego, I do.

Wait, how can an LA trial lawyer and a colonel be a Normal? Glad you asked. The book tells you. It’s not about jobs or degrees – it’s all about attitude.

The next two chapters pummel America’s loser Elite. Trigger Warning: Sarcasm and abuse of liberals. You’ll meet our pal Kaden, elite poster punk from Santa Monica:

Kaden was born into sin as an affluent white kid in the United States. There was a lot of guilt that he would be able to display down the road, even if he never felt guilty. Bearing liberal guilt was a lot like being an ancient sinner who changed into his oldest, rattiest clothes before he would cruise down to the temple to rend his garments while crying out in anguish about repentance.


Lupita raised Kaden with the kind of loving care you would expect from someone getting paid below minimum wage under the table. She even taught him Spanish—“Real Spanish, the authentic Spanish of the countryside of the real Mexico,” Mom had beamed, pronouncing the x as an h in what she assumed was the real Spanish style.

Lupita nodded politely. She was from El Salvador.

* * *

Kaden received all A++’s in all his Advanced Placement classes. The SAT was key, and he had a tutor for that, too. He learned the math that would be tested, and the English that would be tested. In history, he learned about Europe’s history of colonial oppression, and how the American Revolution against colonial oppression was a reactionary spasm by a bunch of slave-owning white males whose sole goal was to subjugate women, minorities, indigenous peoples, the differently-abled, and the trans community. His school did not celebrate Columbus Day or Christmas, which Kaden thought had something to do with the Christians recognizing the birth of Santa Claus under a pine tree near Rudolph’s stable.

And there’s more – why Elite experts aren’t experts, why Conservative, Inc., is all about the “Inc.” and not about the “Conservative,” and why you got Trump.


The bottom line: The Elite got Trump for its sins. And it’s got a lot of sins.

Our soft civil war is raging, and Militant Normals seeks to answer the question, “Where do we go from here?” Spoiler: Go to a gun store just in case, because the Elite’s antics are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better.

So, pick up a copy of my new book Militant Normals: How Regular Americans Are Rebelling Against the Elite to Reclaim Our Democracy. You won’t regret it, unless you are one of those Never Trump pseudo-conservative sissies like Jeff Flake or buck-chasing charlatans like Bill Kristol. Then you’ll totally regret it. I promise.

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