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Thank God For These Horrible Democrats

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
AP Photo/Evan Vucci

It’s times like these when you yearn for the perfect words to explain not only how important it is to vote Tuesday, but also to properly describe just how awful the people you’re running against are. In the case of Democrats, unfortunately, the words needed to describe them tend to contain four letters and generally are slang for body parts or directions for action involving them. That makes them unusable in a family-friendly column, but I’m going to try to get around that as best I can and paint as accurate of a picture as possible about why we should be grateful for these horrible Democrats.


A fish rots from the head down, but in the case of Democrats that head is empty, or at least has forgotten where it is. Naturally, that head is on the scrawny neck of Joe Biden, a man so untrustworthy that it says “hello” you have to suspect he’s leaving. What kind of person thinks claiming “Ultra MAGA is a threat to the country” is a good strategy? “MAGA” stands for “Make America Great Again,” which if you’re pretending to like the country is rather difficult to demonize. Then again, Biden leads the party that has “America was never great” as a guaranteed applause line on the campaign trail, so nothing should surprise us.

In a last-ditch effort to save his worthless presidency, Biden declared the act of engaging in democracy to be a threat to it should the public dare vote against the wishes of Democrats. I’d call that verbal yoga, but yoga has value whereas Democrats and what they say do not.

The idea of declaring one of the two possible election outcomes to be invalid before any votes are counted should bother the people who claim to wake up screaming about “threats to democracy.” But those claims are as sincere as the election results in the old Soviet Union or Saddam Hussein’s Iraq. Yet, while calling anyone who opposes his failed policies “semi-fascist,” Biden is embracing the tactics of fascists throughout history. 

And so is every other Democrat out there, on the ballot or in the media. Any result not reflecting what Democrats want is a threat to democracy, according to these people. The only difference is they won’t have a firing squad outside your polling place ready to dispense their version of “democracy” should they discover you voted wrong, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t like to. Enjoy voting against them…while they still allow it and so they can’t disallow it in the future.


Whatever joy you experience Tuesday night, save an extra cup of “in your face” for Stacey Abrams and Beto O’Rourke. While those two are horrible people – having spent the last four years lying about and smearing Republicans, unchallenged, on cable news – beating them again should bring special jo. These “rock stars of the Democrat Party” aren’t even going to go down as one-hit-wonders. While it may be counterintuitive, we should be grateful for them. 

Beto is a poor man’s Butthead impersonator and is beloved by the left, probably because he makes them feel smart (which isn’t hard). Born wealthy, he married even wealthier and set about to find meaning in his life externally rather than in himself. Inheriting wealth, he decided that imbued him with powers to know how best to spend everyone else’s money across the board. He doesn’t do it with his money, but he’s ready to be generous with yours. Sweet gig, if you can get it. Beto can’t get it.

Stacey Abrams is one of those people who makes demands of others up to the point where they are met, then immediately regrets them because she hadn’t thought it through. Her “Georgia’s voter integrity laws are Jim Crow 2.0” battle cry was adopted uniformly by Democrats, including the President. Major League Baseball, at her urging, pulled their All-Star Game from Atlanta. That cost Georgians $100 million. Suddenly, but expectedly, Abrams became like a blackjack dealer in Vegas at shift change – clapping her hands together and showing her palms, backing away from the table like she had nothing to do with screwing over every single small business owner around the stadium. She did, and they know it. She never recovered.


Beto and Abrams are owed a debt of gratitude not because they’re horrible people, for that deserve your scorn, but you should be grateful they exist and run this cycle because of all the money they hoovered up like spilled cocaine on a hooker’s chest in Hunter Biden’s hotel room. Almost $200 million in campaign contributions and independent expenditures between them that would have been better used elsewhere were set on fire in the cause of futility. The only bigger waste of cash Democrats could have cooked up would’ve been giving that money to Charlie Crist in Florida to “beat” Ron DeSantis.

Of course, there are hundreds of Democrats who could be added to this gratitude list, but we have to pick the cream of the crop. But thank you, Democrats. Without you being as horrible as you are, none of this would be possible. Joe, I hope a staff member passes along my gratitude in one of your rare moments of lucidity…should you have another one. Beto, I understand that you’re dumb, so maybe ask your wife to explain the situation to you. But thank you. And Stacey…you not only sucked up so much money you’re probably responsible for the loss of a dozen House seats that would have benefitted from that cash, but you also swallowed hours of cable news content that could have elevated other Democrats instead too. You hoarded the cash and ate up the time. Thank you, sincerely. 

Whatever happens Tuesday, it would have been much harder for Republicans this cycle to win anywhere was Democrats not such horrible people. Thankfully, as they’ve shown repeatedly, Democrats are incapable of learning, so they will only continue to get worse starting Wednesday. Thank you for that, too. 


Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!), host of a daily radio show, and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses, and host of the weekly “Week in F*cking Review” podcast where the news is spoken about the way it deserves to be. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.


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