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Amazon: Your Home for Drug Paraphernalia

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
AP Photo/Matt Rourke

Remember when Amazon was pulling books by conservative authors because they’d hurt the feelings of liberals? Someone tucks their package back as far as they can, slaps on a dress, and suddenly they get to dictate what everyone else can buy. It’s a neat little trick Democrats try to repeat every chance they get. But if you don’t use Amazon, you might not know about what things Jeff Bezos deems perfectly fine products people can buy, so I thought I’d point out a few to you.


I forget what I was looking for, it was probably something obscure that had occurred to me for some random reason. Amazon really is an amazing website in that if you can imagine it, or remember something really, really odd from your childhood, you can probably find it on there somewhere. My dad, for example, loves Hydrox cookies, always has since he was a kid. Oreos were a poor substitute to him. When I learned this a few years ago, I found on Amazon what he was convinced wasn’t made anymore because he hadn’t seen it in stores in more than a decade. I was able to surprise him with something he’d thought was long gone. Like I said, it can be amazing.

Amazon can also be a weird place. Things you might not want in your Internet search history can be found there, things you can imagine and others you may not want to. Unlike conservative books or t-shirts with conservative slogans on them, the right does not actively demand adults be denied their right to purchase these things. They might not be to your taste, but they aren’t illegal. Consenting adults can do whatever they want with other consenting adults, and all that.

But there are other things on Amazon that are not legal. Well, they are legal but they are used for things that are decidedly not.

Need a pot pipe? Jeff Bezos has you covered. All types – glass, wood, or ones that look like they’re made out of pieces of piping. I’m not saying that I’d ever used any when I was younger, but I would say I always preferred the latter, were I to have ever indulged.


They also sell one-hitter “pipes” that are also billed as a “snorter.” What you choose to snort is up to you, I guess, but I’m unaware of any legal substances that are snorted for medicinal purposes. I could be wrong, I’m not a pharmacist, but nothing comes to mind.

You can also buy one of countless choices of small glass bottles with a screw on lid that has a tiny spoon attached to it. I’ve seen enough movies about the 1970s to know what these are generally used for. Watch a documentary on Studio 54 and take a wild guess.

Pretty much any type of drug accessory you can imagine, that a casual or “expert” user could need, is available on Amazon. I’m not going to link to any, if that’s your bag, I’m not going to enable you – sorry crackheads with credit cards.

As the left moves to rid conservatism from normal commerce, it’s worth noting what they’re actively working to normalize. It’s not just confused kids exploited into thinking biology is a myth and gender can be whatever you woke up deciding to create, it’s every aspect of normal life.

To “fundamentally transform” a country that is awful – either “-ist” or “-phobic” at its core – you have to destroy what exists. Something fundamentally flawed can’t be tweaked, it must be replaced. And the only way the public would ever allow what makes this country great to be replaced is if what makes this country great were so perverted as to be unrecognizable; completely destroyed.


The tools to do just that are for sale on Amazon.

I’m not for banning them. I’m libertarian when it comes to these things – if someone wants to destroy themselves that’s their pathetic choice, as long as it’s just them. The civil society is what should lead on these things – the pressure we can all bring to bear on people making stupid decisions without making the ultimate stupid decision of making stupidity illegal. 

The power of shunning is a good ostracism should never be underrated. There’s probably a book on doing just that available on Amazon. You just have to weed through all the drug paraphernalia to find it.

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