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America Needs a Candidate Who Cannot Dress Himself Properly

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
Townhall Media

"Riffed from the Headlines" is Townhall's daily VIP feature with coverage of the deeply flawed aspects of journalism in the nation. We'll look to bring accountability to the mishaps, malaprops, misdeeds, manipulations, malpractice, and manufactured narratives in mainstream media.


Legalized Press-titution – CNN

  • America needs a candidate who cannot dress himself properly.

In the wake of the crater left after the debate between Senate candidates Dr. Oz and John Fetterman, on CNN's dead-in-the-water morning show "New Day," they brought on Democratic Senator Chris Coons to address the disaster in the best way possible – by not addressing it at all. Coons instead focused on the issue that is most important to the voters in that state.

It turns out that in Pennsylvania, they are not at all concerned if their senator can think cogently and form proper sentences. No, the main issue for voters is that Dr. Oz is not a man of the people because he looks comfortable wearing a suit.


  • Moving past his obvious mental challenges, we'll also bypass his policy problems.

In their assessment of the debate last night, Politico acknowledged the Fetterman performance problem but then focused more on the aftermath and how much the press will carry the narrative. This is even indicated by the campaign handlers, who speculate the press will take up their cause, and Politico proves them possibly correct in just this report.

In moving past the health concern, Ryan Lizza in "Playbook" noted that the Fetterman camp was seizing on an abortion quote from Dr. Oz. Nowhere do we see any of the policy concerns displayed by Fetterman, like his outright lie about his stance on fracking.

- "The Fetterman campaign is betting that Oz will lose the all-important post-debate conversation. Fetterman has a potent weapon: Oz's statement that abortion should be left up to 'women, doctors, local political leaders.'"

Body Checking the Fact-Checkers – NEWSWEEK

  • "Even as we prove him correct, this is Ted Cruz, so he is Mostly False by default."

Senator Ted Cruz dared to venture into the viper pit that is the daytime gab-fest known as "The View." As a result, Newsweek dared to fact-check Cruz on some comments made during his visit. It did not go well for Tom Norton.

Cruz had responded to a Whoopi Goldberg claim that the left does not storm after losing an election. Cruz pointed out the 2020 upheaval, saying, "Did I miss an entire year of Antifa riots where cities across this country were burning...?" Norton strove to prove him wrong by nitpicking and then resorting to outright denial. The riots only lasted months, not the entire year, is the way this fact-check goes, and then it gets worse.

- "The 'Antifa riots' Cruz refers to are almost certainly the protests, which followed George Floyd's death. Most of these occurred between late May to early June 2020. Although many buildings were damaged or destroyed by fire during protests, this did not carry on throughout the year."

Well…that certainly shows him. But not content with the rakes he already stepped on, Norton continues and manages to look even worse.

- "Labeling the protests as 'Antifa riots' is misleading too as there is no organization or group known as such."

This wishcasting does not go well for him, as the fact-checker is actually debunked by his own outlet.

Pathological Media Amnesia – THE ECONOMIST

  • It does not occur to Steven to ask why there were no threats after the decision…

In response to a CNN report on Justice Samuel Alito discussing how the leaked draft memo was a grave betrayal of the Court and that it posed a threat to the justices, SCOTUS reporter and political science professor Steven Mazie is entirely dismissive of what Alito had to say. The reason? 

Since the final opinion delivered was nearly unchanged from the leaked draft, it makes no sense to suggest a threat was leveled at the judges. To make this stunted comment not only ignores the legitimate threats that occurred, but Mazie also has to pretend that the intent of the leak wasn't to have those threats alter the final opinion handed down on Roe v. Wade being repealed. Since the threats did not work, then the threats did not actually happen, goes this argument from the Supreme Court reporter.

Body Checking the Fact-Checkers – ASSOCIATED PRESS

  • There really is not much happening worth verifying these days, so correcting jokes appears in order.

Between Jose Biden spouting off unimpeachable wisdom and the wave of candidates across the country delivering nothing but truth-based claims and accusations about each other, there simply is not much for a fact-checker to do these days. Might as well turn in some look-busy work by fact-checking an entry from a joke Twitter account.

- "A satirical Donald Trump account tweeted the edited video on Monday…"

Anti-Social Media – VARIETY

  • This could be a sign another stint in rehab is in the near future?

For reasons inexplicable – and defying the curiosity sated by research – Matthew Perry was quoted in Variety mourning the loss of River Phoenix and Heath Ledger, speculating on why they are lost, yet Keanu Reeves is still an ongoing concern.

It is unclear why Perry, who has not done any discernable work in five years, is dumping on Reeves, who has his fourth "John Wick" movie set to be released in months. But give the faded actor a little credit for at least punching above his weight class.


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