Iran's Days Are Numbered
US Women's Hockey Team Is Pretty Much Telling the Media to Get a...
Stelter Tries to Sterilize SOTU Ratings; Canadian Media Hold Hockey Player Struggle Sessio...
My State of the Union Bucket List Evening
The America the Left Loves — and Hates
The U.S. Olympic Men's Hockey Team Did It the Right Way
They Always Underestimate America
The State of Our Journalism Is Viciously Anti-Trump
The Press vs. America
To Achieve American Energy Dominance, All We Needed Was a New President
To Stand or Not to Stand…That is the Question
Pakistan Declares 'Open War' on Taliban in Afghanistan
Georgia Man Ordered to Repay $27.9 Million in Telemedicine Durable Medical Equipment Scam
Fraud Czar JD Vance Halts Quarter-Billion Medicaid Dollars to Minnesota
Minnesota Lawmakers File Articles of Impeachment Against Gov. Tim Walz, AG Ellison
Tipsheet

Thanks, Guys: Federal Government Concludes Mermaids Do Not Exist

Thanks, Guys: Federal Government Concludes Mermaids Do Not Exist

Check out this page from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's website, from the Ocean Facts subheading, and revel in your tax dollars' latest effort: the federal government has just informed us that mermaids aren't real. Because we were so concerned before!

Advertisement

The belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species. Magical female figures first appear in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ago, when modern humans gained dominion over the land and, presumably, began to sail the seas. Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology — in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few.

But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found. Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That’s a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists.

Why, indeed? Thanks for that deep thought, federal government. And hey America, aren't you so glad to know that someone on the federal dime -- your dime -- wrote this? Seriously: it's an entire blog post that says, "Everyone loves mermaids. Mermaids don't exist. So why does everyone love mermaids? Who knows!"

I certainly feel more informed; don't you?

Ocean facts!

Tax dollars: workin' hard, or hardly workin'?

h/t Amanda Carpenter

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Townhall Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement