Here are seven (7) reasons why:
1. We have never had a duck sit on the Supreme Court. I am sure that our nation has a history of insensitivity toward “duck rights.”
2. Daffy is a black duck. Therefore, Daffy’s selection will satisfy those calling on the President to select a minority.
3. Daffy could be a gender neutral duck. While I recognize that we have assumed for more than a generation that Daffy is male, the name “Daffy” could be short for “Daphne”, and although Daffy almost always appears without clothing, I don’t know of anyone that can actually prove Daffy is male. This only adds to the satisfaction of those calling on the President to choose a minority.
4. Daffy is a disabled duck. Daffy has a severe speech impediment. Although Daffy’s lisp could become fodder for the late-night talk show circuit and “Saturday Night Live” when Daffy asks important questions of high-profile attorneys during Court hearings and has back-and-forth debate with those lawyers, it will certainly be worth any potential embarrassment as Daffy’s selection will satisfy President Obama’s goal stated on Friday that he wants a Justice “with ‘empathy’ for ‘people’s hopes and struggles.’”
5. Daffy is a professional victim. Over the years, Daffy has been hunted, shot at, de-feathered and wrongfully imprisoned. For left-wing satisfaction level, see number 4, above.
6. Daffy is a member of the Hollywood elite. A long-time employee of Warner Bros., Daffy’s Hollywood connections will definitely please Democrats and the party will almost certainly see a spike in fundraising from the entertainment industry. This will satisfy those who want the President to choose a “highprofile, clear-cut liberal” as set forth in the Los Angeles Times story on May 2.
7. After many years as a successful actor, Daffy has not only mastered the art of memorizing a script written by professional writers, Daffy also has great command of a teleprompter. This will please the President.
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