No problem! The U.S. Congress has a $16 million, two-year program for you! I think Life Call only cost $29.99.
I'm not kidding. I just got this in an e-mail, from Congress Daily (emphasis mine):
The Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, Wednesday swiftly approved legislation designed to reduce the number of falls taken by senior citizens, which often lead to debilitating injuries or death...
Mikulski said the bill would provide advice to families on how to keep their older relatives safer and was supported by trauma centers and the AARP. The bill also would require the Department of Health and Human Services to conduce a study of falls and how they affect senior citizens.
The bill also would award grants to various organizations to study the falls: when they occur, how they occur, how long it takes before those who have fallen are discovered, and to come up with strategies to mitigate the frequency and impact of the falls.