The Canadian-born Bieber never plans on becoming an American citizen. "You guys are evil," he says with a laugh. "Canada's the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don't need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you're broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home."
Partial redemption -- He's solidly pro-life:
He does have a solid opinion on abortion. "I really don't believe in abortion," Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby?" How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."
Bieber says he's unsure which American political party he'd support -- a total irrelevancy, since he's a 16-year-old Canadian -- but I still fear he's falling in with the wrong crowd:
A decent impression -- I'll give him that.
Note: If you've spent this entire post trying to determine who on earth Justin Bieber is, I'm sad to say you're, like, totally old and lame.
(h/t: Our erstwhile colleague Jillian Bandes)