Many go to Church regularly, and many more go on Christmas and Easter, but there is one holiday where many otherwise faithful people stay away from church. It is Mother’s Day (and maybe a few for Father’s Day). There is a reason for that.
Mother's and Father’s Days have recently passed and with it the usual bonanza that accompanies the normal, and appropriate, wishing people a Happy Mother’s Day. Churches often have all mothers stand, having the mother with the most children stand up, and/or honoring the oldest mother. There may be Godly practices held that day as well such as baby dedications. However, churches need to rethink these practices, especially the former ones, if they are to minister to those who are in deep pain on Mother’s Day.
In his last sermon on May 13, 2007, Rev. Jerry Falwell gave a powerful message regarding “Becoming a Highly Honored Mother” where he spoke movingly of his dear wife and his own Godly mother who prayed diligently for his salvation.
No one could doubt Dr. Falwell’s heart for motherhood and children and we have to be careful of a judgmental spirit against any person and their ministry. Dr. Falwell did more for children than so many in not only standing against abortion but in providing emotional, financial and medical support for unwed mothers and their children through the Liberty Godparent Home. https://godparent.org/
However, in that crowd were likely women who had abortions, were rape victims, suffered infertility, experienced the death of a child, miscarriage (also the death of a child), death of a mother, an abusive mother, failed adoption and/or a wayward child gone astray. Having experienced several of these issues in my own family, the pain is real.
The deep suffering women, and men, experience due to infertility and/or other losses is raw, so much so that many couples, who are otherwise faithful attendees of their church, do not go on Mother’s Day. This would lead us to believe that some things need to change in church when it seems your infertility, loss or grief is being thrown in your face. These extra antics, while not inherently sinful in honoring motherhood, cause even greater pain for those who desire to be mothers. It is worth noting that the founder of Mother’s Day in the United States later came out against the holiday because of its commercialization, maybe giving a fair warning against the same commercialization happening in the Church.
Pastors need to be sensitive to this issue. It would be better to follow very few if any worldly holidays and focus on the Church Calendar. However, if failing that (who does not love Halloween or Trunk or Treat candy) then Mother’s Day in Church needs to be approached with great care and prayer.
First, stop making it a contest over who has the most children.
Second, if you are going to preach about the Godly heart of motherhood, do so acknowledging that Mother’s Day is extremely hard for some people. Point them to resources and to Scripture that will bring great comfort and more so, purpose to them. And acknowledge weeks before Mother’s Day about what will be taking place in church on that day to prepare people and encourage them to come.
Third, to that purpose it is right to teach, as Dr. Falwell said to those who may not have children, “You don’t have to bless biological children (if you don’t have them). You can bless spiritual children. Thank God there are people who give their lives (ministering to children) while we sit here.” Men and Women need to know that their infertility is not a curse and that the command to be fruitful and multiply is also a spiritual command, echoing the Great Commission.
Most of the initial work on this issue needs to be done by the pastor and church leadership. However, those who are suffering must also not neglect God’s Word and the comfort and purpose that Jesus provides, even when His people fall short. All of God’s people fail, including this author. But Jesus never fails and our faith in Him thankfully is based on the perfect God Man. Even if it is too difficult to attend church on Mother’s Day, it would be right to not simply stay in pain while at home but to go deep with God and spend a lot of time in prayer. Dr. Falwell often said, “Nothing of eternal importance is ever accomplished apart from prayer.” Or a person, or couple, could visit a nursing home or provide care and comfort to others who are lonely and needy. There is no temptation that has seized us beyond what is common to man and even in pain and suffering, we are not alone or without purpose in glorifying God.
Yes, even women (and let’s not forget men) who cannot have children do need to be challenged and loved, especially on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. But what they do not have does not need to be rubbed in their face in churches that, more and more, give an impression of the American Dream church.
One of the toughest things as a pastor is to preach a message that all will like, especially when we are challenged with sin. Further, the church is so great a body that what may be a motivating sermon for one may be a snoozer for someone else. Church is not a nightclub to be entertained but a house of God.
Nor is church a place to be catered to. Church should be challenging and filled with the love and truth of God. There are issues that cannot be escaped, nor should they be. People will still go up to each other and wish a Happy Mother’s Day, but we could do a lot better than celebrating the commercialized parts of a holiday.
If we are going to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in church, let’s do it right.
Though no one can predict the future, it is likely Dr. Falwell himself would say many of these things. He stood strongly against abortion but then was challenged as to what was being done to help unwed mothers. It was in response to this deeper probing about practical ways to help the suffering that Dr. Falwell established the Liberty Godparent Home. His heart was there but needed to be informed, as do all our hearts, regardless of whether we are blessed with biological children or not.
*Views expressed are those of the author and not any government agency