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Hateful Christmas Plants, Racist Santas, 'Bluey' With a Father Is a Fantasy

Brad Slager
Brad Slager  |  Dec 20, 2023
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

12.20.23

Pulitzer Prize Nomination – ASSOCIATED PRESS

It is a joyous and festive time of year! So you can count on our national press complex to make sure your celebration is less joyous and festive. Bring on the cantankerous contrarian journalists!

This time of year, it is commonplace to see the seasonal displays in homes and elsewhere of vibrantly red plants to enhance the holiday decor. Just – whatever you do – do NOT refer to these traditional botanicals by the name of a "Poinsetta" plant!

According to the Associated Press, this is a problem. Reporter Morgan Lee is on the case to explain how, after about 200 years of this not being an issue, today referring to the plant by its name is…an issue, apparently. It is always enjoyable when veiled language is used when they are steering toward a charge of intolerance and racism; "checkered past," "complicated history," and other "troubled" aspects are referenced. The plant is named after a man named Poinsett, a botanist who brought the plant to the States from Mexico. BUT he also once owned slaves and did some political stuff that is, well – "complicated."

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As a result, it is suggested that we deviate from calling this by its known name and instead segue over to the much more mellifluous name it is known by in its home region:

Among Nahuatl-speaking communities of Mexico, the plant is known as the cuetlaxochitl (kwet-la-SHO-sheet), meaning “flower that withersWe will bet the content of our stocking that this name is not about to be readily adapted across the country in the coming holiday season.

Race to the Bottom – NBC NEWS

  • The race of a mystical fictional elf is DEEPLY significant.

Also of import is that the representation of a non-existent character properly displays the racial constructs of the customer base. NBC goes to great lengths to explain the import of there being racially-proper Santas:

Black Santas… there was a time where they didn’t exist. New York City-based therapist Colette Brown thinks it is essential for kids to see non-white Santas. “Psychological research shows that role models who reflect the child’s identity and experience have a positive impact upon the development of self-esteem which leads to improved academic performance, self-confidence and mental wellness.

So if we get a future study on the lower test scores for POC individuals in college, they can chalk this up to there only being white Santas over the past generation?

The piece also discusses a store providing up to four Santa options based on different races. This will lead to a younger age of children learning he does not exist once the debate in school rages about what color the Santa they had a picture taken with was.

Pre-Written Field Reports – DEADSPIN

While we are on the topic of asinine charges of racism, let's check in to see what has sportswriter Carron Phillips all worked up. You might recall Phillips as the stunted writer who accused a 9-year-old KC Chiefs fan of wearing blackface and being racist toward Native Americans, only to then learn the lad was himself a member of the Chumash Tribe of Indians.

Undeterred by that complete fiasco, Phillips is at it again, this time focused on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis being racist toward a college football team. How? Well…that part is a little less clear, as seems to be the trend with Phillips.

It seems DeSantis was not effusive enough about the win Florida A&M had in its bowl game, delivering the national championship in the HBCU division. Phillips noted that while DeSantis celebrated the win on Xitter, he was far more focused on the problem of FSU being denied entry to the Division One playoffs. The obvious implication of this being racist is on display:

  • Sometimes people tell on themselves without even trying.

  • If you pay attention, they'll always show you who they prefer.

  • This column is about how the powers that be in the state aren't celebrating a historic win with the same energy that they complained about a historic snub.

  • Despite what it feels like this is probably about...

First, we have to assume that the Florida State Seminoles are not featuring a predominantly black roster. Second, we have to assume that the difference in the focus on these teams is not due to schools in HBCU divisions being lower than Division One schools. Then, finally, we have to rely on the fact that DeSantis was racist because he used half a dozen fewer words when praising FAMU. Phillips appeared to be flailing after learning that the governor recognized both schools, so what happened next was measuring the verbal output in order to find an issue.

Seriously, this happened; for proof of the problematics of Ron DeSantis, Carron Phillips counted the words in the two posts from the governor:

“Congratulations, @FAMU_FB on making your first Celebration Bowl appearance a memorable one and coming home as the 2023 HBCU National Champions! You’ve had an outstanding season and made the state of Florida proud,” he wrote to the Rattlers. 

“What we learned today is that you can go undefeated and win your conference championship game, but the College Football Playoff committee will ignore these results. Congratulations to @FSUFootball on an outstanding season and winning the ACC championship!,” wrote Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis in a 38-word post to social media. 

The post dedicated to FAMU had six fewer words. It may be petty, but semantics and details matter. 

Blue-Anon – THE DISPATCH

  • The legal propriety is far less important than the fact that Jonah hates the guy!

The case of the Colorado Supreme Court deciding that Donald Trump cannot be on the primary ballot due to…not being charged with a crime it is alluding to continues to flummox many.

Jonah Goldberg offers up one of the more amusing summations of this decision, arriving at a rather daft conclusion: The justices basically had to arrive at this decision not as a result of illegality but because Trump is running for office and is in the lead in the polls.

The biggest problem is that you voters still backing the man Jonah detests is the REAL problem here.

Artisanally-Crafted Narratives – THE NEW YORK TIMES

The New York Times decided to take a look at a pair of children's programs that have been newsworthy – the wildly popular Aussie-toon "Bluey" and the new show from Daily Wire production studio BentKey called "Chip Chilla." The central aspect is that these shows display the "fantasy" of a father being central to the family unit and focusing on his children. 

The central difference is that while "Bluey" has a dad who's fun and plays involved games with the kids, the "conservative knockoff" features a father who is home-schooling his little ones. This means "the show is lazy and pedantic," and writer Amanda Hess manages to tip her leftist hand thusly:

With “Chip Chilla,” conservative parents can fulfill a fantasy of their own, combating the perceived indoctrination of public school by screening home-school-themed content afterward, featuring lessons about dead white people and classic texts.