I love it when I read left-wing fundraising emails about surveys or polls the Democrat Party is conducting so they can really get the pulse of their voters. And by that, I mean the BS, completely lazy couple of questions designed to make stupid people think their “voice has been heard.” It’s very common on the left now, so it must work.
The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee sent out an email this week under the subject line, “Missing your response,” like my lack of answering their garbage questions was going to screw up their entire dataset.
“Hey Derek -- It’s Diana, the Research Director here at the DSCC,” it opens like we’re pals or she saved my life in Vietnam and isn’t some random person who, even at the end of the email, gives no middle name (so may well not exist). “With the 2024 elections heating up and the battle for Senate control at a fever pitch, we need to stay on top of our strategy. That’s why James Carville reached out and requested your input for an exclusive strategy interview. But Derek didn’t get an answer from you -- and now he's 28 responses short of what he needed in Maryland! We NEED enough top Democrats like you to participate in this strategy interview to drive us to victory, but the deadline to respond is midnight tonight. Please, will you take 3 minutes and help us WIN?”
It then reads, “**NOTE: Please do not share this link with anyone, as it may corrupt our data**.”
As a “top Democrat” who despises the Democrats, who am I to deny them this crucial data? And I certainly wouldn’t want it corrupted, so I clicked the link.
“Which issues do you want to hear Democrats talk about in the run-up to the 2024 election? (Select three)” is the first “question.” The options are all left-wing garbage – climate change, reproductive rights, etc. – so I don’t give three; I only check “other” and write in that I want to hear about “Why Democrats Suck.”
Unphased, the “survey” continues with, “After some BIG legislative wins, Joe Biden’s approval rating has taken off. Which of President Biden’s victories are most important to YOU? (Select three).” He’s currently polling just above being thrown off a tall building and right behind toenail fungus, so it’s unclear where this comes from…until you realize the truth only hurts Democrats, and we’re dealing with wildly ignorant people.
I give no answer at all, which does not bother the program because actually gathering information is not the point of this exercise.
Then comes, “In your opinion, which of the following factors is most important to ensuring our Democratic victory?” The choices cracked me up.
“Candidate Recruitment -- Democrats must recruit fantastic candidates with relatable backgrounds and popular policies, and we must raise the resources necessary to tell their stories to the American people.
Grassroots Fundraising -- Mitch McConnell is calling up his billionaire cronies right now to try and spend us under the table. Republicans must NOT be able to outspend Democrats in key races, so we need a MASSIVE grassroots fundraising operation to keep up.
GOP Corruption -- Democrats should expose Senate Republicans as corrupt, out-of-touch insiders serving themselves and the richest Americans instead of their own constituents.
Positive Messaging -- Democrats have a bold and positive vision for the future. Our candidates have plans to expand access to affordable health care, protect voting rights, defend reproductive rights, secure our democracy, create jobs, and crack down on corruption -- and we need to make sure voters know it.
The GOP’s Extreme Agenda -- The GOP is out of touch with most voters in the country and frankly endorses some positions that are absolutely nuts. We need to talk about their far-right positions on stuff like climate change and health care.
Field Organizing -- Democrats need to invest in door knocking, voter registration, and ‘Get Out The Vote’ efforts in key states to get Democrats fired up and heading to the polls.”
I do love that they put “get out the vote” in scare quotes, an accidental nod to their love of voter fraud.
Then comes, “How committed are you to ensuring Democrats hold the Senate?” I go with option three, “Not at all committed: I don’t care if Mitch McConnell takes back the Senate,” just to see if that matters at all – like their program comes back and asks why I’m even subscribed to their email list or something. Nope.
Instead, it goes right to the page that is the entire reason for the exercise in time-wasting: the cash grab. This crucial data, about which they emailed me on several occasions to give them, suddenly becomes irrelevant and can only be submitted if it’s wrapped in a campaign contribution. It’s almost like these Democrats were lying the whole time….