I get a lot of emails from left-wing fundraising outfits and straight up grifting machines looking to detach suckers from their hard-earned money. Sometimes the emails are funny, other times they are simply some of the dumbest things ever conveyed through the written word. That they work is a monument to both the failure of our education system to turn out enough people capable of basic thinking and just how dumb we’re becoming as a species. Case in point, just this week’s five emails from no liberal group about the Texas Governor’s race and that moron Democrats nominated, Robert O’Rourke.
Those five emails came with these schizophrenic subject lines: “Greg Abbot is SEETHING,” “Goodbye, Beto O’Rourke,” “giving up [Beto O’Rourke],” “NOT ONE local Democrat has donated,” and “Trump TANTRUM (Beto FLIPS Texas).” As those titles suggest, they are all over the place.
The first one reads, “FIRST: Beto was only INCHES behind Abbott. THEN: We launched a huge campaign to boost Beto ahead. NOW: Donations are starting to trickle in. Beto’s still losing, but it’s getting close! We only need 42,860 donations before our Monday deadline. Your $5 will help propel Beto ahead and ruin Abbott’s lead!”
He was “inches behind” and now he’s “getting close”? All it will take is a certain, random number of donations, not any specific amount of money, to vault the wealthy candidate with zero life accomplishments ahead in this race!
Beto is the personification of Butthead from Beavis and Butthead, down to the voice, but he’s only a small town’s worth of morons giving cash to a third-party grifting outfit away from being the next Governor of Texas! Or something.
Hilariously, only eight hours earlier the “Goodbye, Beto O’Rourke” email was sent from the same group. “We begged you. We pleaded with you. We’ve emailed you for DAYS about how important it is to ELECT Beto O’Rourke as Texas’s next governor,” it opens. “We’re on our knees: Can you spare just $5 before our first deadline of the month?”
This was August 6th, what “deadline” could they be talking about? None. It’s all made up to create a false sense of urgency in stupid people.
Curiously, under the banner of giving up, the group says, “We are SO CLOSE to electing Beto. But if Democratic turnout lags AN INCH, Trump’s crony will win in Texas and Beto will be devastated. But if we win in Texas, we’ll flip it BLUE – the Republican party will be OVER. SO PLEASE, DEREK. WITH YOUR HELP, WE’LL PUT BOOTS ON THE GROUND AND TURN TEXAS BLUE. WE ONLY NEED $5 TODAY.”
I didn’t give them anything, obviously, which means it’s over, right?
No, it’s never going to be over as long as some moron is willing to give any Democrat a penny.
The other three Beto-related emails from this scam group all came one day earlier, on August 5th. “WE TOLD YOU Beto O’Rourke was INCHES from flipping Texas blue,” one opens. “WE TOLD YOU that Republicans raised $10 MILLION to shut him DOWN. WE TOLD YOU we needed 62,784 gifts in 72 hours to help send him to victory. BUT YOU STILL DIDN’T DONATE?? We’re BROKE, Derek – we checked with our accountants, and we’re NOWHERE near hitting our goal to flip Texas blue. So now we’re begging – donate right now to boost Voter Turnout in Texas.”
The horror!
Another reads, “FIRST: Beto O’Rourke registered THOUSANDS of new Democratic voters. AND IT WORKED!!! THEN: Trump threw a TANTRUM because Texas is up for grabs! NOW: Trump and Greg Abbott are dumping money into Texas. So if we don’t hit our fundraising goal, Texas will never go blue. We need 80,000 donations by MONDAY to fund our PROVEN Democratic Turnout campaigns. DONATE $5 TO FLIP TEXAS BLUE!”
If that “strategy” were proven, wouldn’t Texas already be blue? Or, at a minimum, wouldn’t Democrats have won somewhere in Texas?
It’s all a lie, it’s all a con. And, sadly, it all works. Right now there are people digging into their wallets, searching for their credit cards to give these people money. Remember when multi-millionaire Elizabeth Warren said she accepted a $3 donation from a broke college student with only $6 in the bank? That was a new low for scumminess in politics, but these groups make Warren almost seem like a decent human being. Almost, but they’re really all the same.