OPINION

The Woke-Off To Replace Chris Cuomo

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Turns out there is a bottom, sort of, for CNN to hit, and some standard they simply will not look the other way on. It’s way down there, and very specific to some as yet unheard of sexual misconduct allegation no one has released details of (yet), but they have standards. And the firing of Chris Cuomo has set off a feeding frenzy, a woke-off to fill his timeslot and, more importantly, hammer those big checks that come, even when you’re by far the least watched person in your timeslot.  

The concept should strike fear into the hearts of everyone working at CNN, because once you introduce the concept of standards into an environment it is hard to get them out. Standards, even low ones, put everyone at CNN at risk of losing their jobs. But the promise of that seven-figure payday is all those scrambling for it to see.

So who will replace Cuomo? Who wants to be the captain of the Titanic? Pretty much everyone at CNN, actually.

You can almost forget that this level of stupid exists, but it does. And in left-wing circles, the willingness to say dumb things, or even be dumber than most people could if they tried, is handsomely rewarded. And CNN has uniquely positioned itself to have a deep bench of people willing and able to say dumb things with a straight face for a paycheck.

The king, of course, is Jim Acosta, so let’s focus on him. The former White House correspondent now demoted to weekend host has been waiting his whole life for this moment. No one has burned more calories spewing stupid to a willing audience than Jim. 

I’m reminded of that great line from “A Christmas Story” about the father’s swearing, “He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.” Replace the word “profanity” with “stupid” and you’ve perfectly captured Jim Acosta’s career. 

His show Saturday seemed like an audition, a desperate plea for early release from the purgatory of weekend cable news. In what was supposed to be a straight news show from serious, unbiased journalists (I know, sorry if you just vomited on your computer, I’m just repeating what they claim), Jimmy delivered progressive talking points in favor of ending the filibuster so Democrats can ram through their agenda.

“But Democrats could think about it this way,” Acosta started in his most serious earnest newsman voice, “if Mitch McConnell were in their shoes what would he do? Given what we know, would we see him letting the filibuster stand? Is the filibuster more important than election rights and women’s rights? Is it more important in the lives of our teenagers’, the safety of our schools? Democrats could just ask themselves what would Mitch do? Or they can just keep on thinking life’s a Mitch.”

This is what passes for journalism at CNN, it seems. Moreover, this is what passes as “edgy” from Jim Acosta. “Life’s a Mitch!” he chuckled, as he wrote what would embarrass a high school kid. This “serious newsman” should know that Republicans controlled Congress just a couple of years ago, back when people paid attention to him. The GOP had the Senate, just short of a filibuster busting majority, and despite pressure to make the Senate a smaller version of the House of Representatives to push through their agenda, pressure even from the President at the time, McConnell refused. So to attempt to say Democrats should nuke the filibuster because Mitch would is to be dumber than usual, even for CNN. 

It’s anyone’s guess who will replace Cuomo – could be Jake Tapper, if he wants to work nights, Acosta, SE Cupp, if they want to pretend she’s still conservative and relevant, or even the Weeble Brian Stelter. 

Personally, I’d like to see Van Jones do it. He’s not a journalist, but CNN doesn’t do journalism, so that’s not an issue. He’s honest, crazy left-wing, but honest. And isn’t afraid to engage with the right, either where they agree or in debate. It would be a refreshing change not only for CNN but for all of cable news. Which is exactly why it’s not likely to happen. 

If you’d ever seen any of Chris Cuomo’s shows you’d have likely thought to yourself, “there’s nowhere to go but up from here” for CNN, but you’d be wrong. There’s no way they can go up from here, it’s CNN! Up isn’t what they do. 

Whatever happens, the woke-off to fill that seat is going to be something to watch. Acosta is just one example, probably the dumbest, of the people who’ll be scrambling for that slot. But honestly, the possibilities for stupid at CNN, and in the left-wing industrial media complex, are limitless.