All across America, little girls of alternatively Tamil and Afro-Caribbean descent, depending on which is most politically useful at the moment, who have been endlessly told by unspecified haters that they can never be nominated to be vice president, were inspired at Kamala Harris' selection by whoever selected her on behalf of Grandpa Badfinger. Yes, if they hook up with a powerful married Democrat man, that initial connection can fuel their rise to power too.
Take that, all you modern-day Bull Connors (Connor was a Democrat, but shhhhhhh)! "I won't cotton to them little girls of alternatively Tamil and Afro-Caribbean descent, depending on which is most politically useful at the moment, thinkin' they can be vice president someday," they drawl as they twirl their mustaches. Well, Kamala showed all the haters. Girls of that oddly specific demographic can be nominated to be vice president, and let's take it one step further – they don't even have to hook up with a powerful married Democrat man and fuel their rise to power via that initial connection to do it! Well, sure Kamala did, and so did the ethnically uninteresting Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit, but those little girls can do it themselves. Well, maybe if they are Republicans.
And speaking of Sarah Palin, it's great to see that it's once again bad to criticize a woman running for vice president.
Now, criticizing Kamala (pronounced "i wil pr?' nouns h?r nam ene wa i dam wel plez") Harris has been officially declared racist and cisgender and sexist, as well as sexist, cisgender, and racist, by The New York Times, all of pinko Twitter, and the Fredocons, so we better not criticize her. Got that? No criticism. You must just sit back and let the tsunami of excitement created by the nomination of this avaricious grasper wash over you.
Can't you feel the excitement? It's exciting! We know, because the media told us that people are thrilled that Gropey J's fickle finger of failure fell upon Kamala. And that she's a "pragmatic moderate." And, again, that no one can criticize her, because if you do, then you are all the horrible -ist and -phobe things that they have already been calling you for years. I'm not sure what they think we have to lose; if you cry wolf long enough, don't be shocked if we shrug when a hirsute Lon Chaney, Jr. shows up doing the mambo to the dulcet tones of Warren Zevon.
Except we cons will say whatever we want about her, including but not limited to providing commentary on her cheesy debut into the world of politics. And pointing out her history is not just mean. Her history is indicative of her pattern of behavior, and when the purported president is one broken hip away from 25th Amendmentville, everything about her matters. The fact is that she has hiked her way along the cursus honorum by being as figuratively accommodating to California tech zillionaires and 'Frisco limo libs as she apparently was literally to Willie Brown. We're told that's not supposed to matter, but it does matter. And we're going to talk about it, whether or not the lib blue checks start literally shaking.
Now, making this obvious point gets labeled "misogyny." It's unclear how you demonstrate hatred for women by observing that a woman got a career kickstart by making a play for another woman's man. Of course, no woman has ever talked bad about another woman for getting ahead thanks to her, um, versatility. Women love ambitious home wreckers and never, ever speak ill of them, according to important and smart elite people who have apparently never met a woman.
Others point out that no one would say this stuff about a man, but no one can identify a man it would apply to. We conservatives do regularly make reference to the satyriasis of Democrat icon John F. Kennedy, if that's any help. Apparently, that's not sexist. And at least we aren't hitting Kamala for having a confirmed kill like Democrat icon Teddy Kennedy, and we won't be as long as Oldfinger's newly hired food taster does his job.
It's odd that we are supposed to ignore bad behavior unique to women in the name of abolishing sexism, yet we are also supposed to celebrate the unique uniqueness of people with cervixes. Grrrrls are powerful and wonderful because they are grrrrls, but if you observe that they can also be bad in ways men generally aren't, well, that's sexism because reasons and shut up.
No wonder this SJW stuff is a punchline. Like all leftism, it clashes with lived experience and requires a conscious capitulation to an agenda over what you see with your own eyes. Some women are hussies. They just are, and all the Helen Reddy anthems in the world are not going to make normal people unknow that. Yet liberals are happy to submit to the giddy joy of denying reality. Rejecting the truth is their offer of solidarity to their pagan deity, a symbol of their commitment to wokeness. As a result, we're now getting people explaining at us with all seriousness that sometimes 2 + 2 = 5, and also that Kamala Harris is a "pragmatic moderate."
That's why conservatives prefer to take people as individuals. But individuals have individual hopes and dreams and priorities, and that does not work for the Left. The Left wants people in boxes, in useful roles, trapped playing a part designated for them by their confluence of genes instead of the content of their character. Kamala Harris was picked because she checked boxes, and the same people who think it was important that her relatives came from Africa, or India, or wherever, think her cervix status is important too. None of it is. Not at all. But what is important is she has a track record of naked ambition and that she is using leftist tyranny as her hobby horse to ride to power. She is a terrible risk to all of us who love freedom, and we're going to say so no matter how many memos the Left circulates announcing that we're not allowed to.
By the way, the first female vice president and president will be Republican. And if you want an exceptional GOP candidate to support for Congress, but live in some Democrat cesspool, try Lauren Boebert in Colorado. Her pro-America, pro-God, and pro-gun agenda has exempted her from the be nice to girls rule that got re-imposed the other day, so she needs you.
Join Townhall VIP and get my awesome new book "The 21 Biggest Lies about Donald Trump (and You!)," now in audiobook format as read by the great Tony Katz!