I don’t go to the movies much anymore, not just because most of movies are garbage but because I despise liberal Hollywood as much as it despises me – which is to say, a lot. Most of you feel the same way. We’re done with Tinseltown’s Hillary-hugging, woman-abusing, Normal-dissing antics. Why should we hand over our hard-earned bucks to a bunch of left wing jerks who hate our guts?
We shouldn’t.
Instead, let’s destroy Hollywood, just like we’re destroying the liberal media. And we have valuable allies in those fights – we can expect a lot of help destroying the media and Hollywood from the media and Hollywood.
Now, the media at least has the excuse that sometimes a real, objective, and honest media needs to deliver bad news to its audience. Even if it wasn’t a huge tire fire of faithful Democrat meme transcription – and it is – a real media would still sometimes have to tell us things we might not want to hear. But Hollywood? Hollywood is not a collection of brave truthtellers fearlessly confronting us with powerful bursts of hard truth, no matter what those pompous twits tell each other about their courage during the Oscars and their other festivals of moral onanism. Hollywood is a mangy organ grinder’s monkey that should be dancing for our amusement.
You sometimes wonder what they are thinking when they spit in the faces of the people they expect to give them dough. What was the thought process that led to them flying the rocket that was First Man right into the ground? You take a movie about an amazing American achievement – we landed on the moon! – with a trailer that makes people say “Wow!” and you somehow manage to make it so no Normal American will ever go see it. It’s actually amazing. When it comes to marketing to Americans who don’t live next to a coast, these limo liberals seem to have the San Francisco Midas touch – everything they lay their hands upon turns to feces.
Hollywood Lowlife #1: “I know it’s the iconic image people all remember, but this whole flag thing is so…flaggy. I mean, if we show Neil Armstrong planting the flag on the moon it’s just going to remind the rest of the world how much they suck in comparison to America.”
Hollywood Lowlife #2: “I agree! And if we show America being great in the past, doesn’t that kind of validate America’s potential to be great again, and doesn’t that kind of validate Trump? If we get perceived as doing that, I won’t be able to show my face around the drug dealers, Chardonnay socialists, and actress/model/escorts who make up my social circle!”
Hollywood Lowlife #1: “I know! Let’s cut out the part about America pulling off this monumental achievement and send our Canadian movie star out to tell our potential audience how this American triumph was actually a triumph for all of humanity and belongs as much to Ugandans, Paraguayans, and whatever they call people from Papua-New Guinea, as it does to the people of the United States who actually pulled it off!”
Hollywood Lowlife #2: “Great idea! That can’t go wrong! Everyone I know in New York and Santa Monica will totally agree that we should soft pedal the whole America thing! And since those people are the only people I ever talk to, their validation means this must be a really good idea and that it will totally be applicable to the rest of the country for some reason.”
Of course, when Normal Americans caught wind of this grift, it went poorly. Really poorly. People who would have bought tickets would now rather lick a bus station bathroom floor. I saw the trailer. I thought it looked really good. I was actually going to see the movie. I was going to take hard earned bucks out of my dead cow wallet and hand them over to Hollywood in order to watch their film.
Now? Not a chance.
Why? Because I refuse to be disrespected by these clowns. It won’t happen. If you diss my flag, you diss me, and that is unacceptable – meaning I will not accept it. You feeling me too, NFL?
And millions of other Normal Americans agree. As my upcoming book Militant Normals: How Regular Americans Are Rebelling Against the Elite to Reclaim Our Democracyexplains, we’re tired of being scammed, lectured, and condescended to by a class of betters who are many things, but “better” is not one of them.
The Hollywood crisis PR people spun into action as soon as it became clear that their target audience realized who Hollywood was targeting for disrespect.
“Oh, you people misunderstand what we meant. When we intentionally downplayed the uniquely American essence of this historic accomplishment, we did it out of patriotism somehow, because…uh…look, a squirrel! Hey, Neil Armstrong’s kids want you to see it! That’s something, right? We cool?
Nah. I don’t care what Neil Armstrong’s kids say. Like they get a veto over what ticks me off. I don’t need them to tell me that the warm, yellow, stinky fluid Hollywood is splashing on my leg is a gentle April shower.
Hollywood, your big mistake was being honest. You Hollywood hacks accidentally let slip how you really feel. You don’t think the moon landing was an example of American exceptionalism, because you don’t believe in American exceptionalism. You can’t. If non-leftist America was great, then who needs leftism?
Your loyalty and allegiance are not to our nation but to your lame leftist ideology. It gnaws on you that your pals in Cuba couldn’t pull this off, that your herring-nibbling pals in pseudo-socialist Sweden and Norway didn’t do it. It was flag-waving Americans, working together to send a fighter pilot – Armstrong killed commies in Korea, like a man – to the moon. And we Americans were the only ones to do it because we Americans are better than everyone else.
Andrew Cuomo, who is – amazingly – the least dumb of the two Cuomo bros, pulled a similar bonehead maneuver when he explained to an audience of leftists that America was never great. They gasped – you really aren’t supposed to say that out loud even though they all believe it, and certainly not on camera. Naturally, he and his band of corrupt lackies swung into action right away.
No, he didn’t mean America was never great when he said America was never great.
No, he totally loves America – it’s so great!
No, he loves America, which is great, so much that he went and got a flag tramp stamp – check it out!
Yeah, whatever. It’s weird how libs think we’re too dull to figure out that their revised insights into American greatness don’t jibe with their slobbering support of the guy who thought America was in dire need of fundamental transformation.
Hollywood, we have to put up with elected doofuses, at least until election time. But you? We can screw with you anytime we please. And we’re going to. You spent tens of millions making a really pretty movie and you just turned your investment into a big, heaping pile of what San Franciscans have to dodge walking down the sidewalk.
Disrespect us if you want. That’s your right. And it’s our right to not give you jerks one damn cent.
When you remember your place and you’re ready to dance for our amusement again by making a movie that actually celebrates America’s space triumphs, let us know. Until then, buzz (Aldrin) off.