Opinion

Care About Impeachment When They Have 67 Senators

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Posted: Oct 28, 2019 12:01 AM
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Care About Impeachment When They Have 67 Senators

Source: AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours...if you can count. Because if you can count, you can see where this entire impeachment kangaroo court is hopping to. You can see how this will all end. You can see that we are going to mop the floor with these petty fascist cretins.

Can you dig it?

Actually, I didn’t come up with the counting line – Walter Hill put those words in the mouth of gang overlord Cyrus in the amazing film The Warriors. It’s a movie that resonates today for a number of reasons, especially how it depicts a bunch of New York tough guys being framed and persecuted for a crime they did not commit. Everyone is against them – everyone. But they ruthlessly fight back against the entire establishment, which has turned all its power against them, and they eventually prevail. Sounds a little familiar, huh?

My money is on Donald Trump, the warrior. Not just because he knows the enemy better than anyone else, and because for nearly five years he has beaten the enemy every single time, but because I can count.

And what I count to is a number that is less than 67. That’s the number of traitors to the Constitution you would need in the Senate to convict. 67. But right now, the count is about 50, maybe 49, or even 47 or 48. That’s the number of unAmerican creeps in the Senate who would vote to convict when the garbage Democrats in the house pass their garbage articles of garbage impeachment.

So, liberal elite, until you can count to 67, eat Schiff and die.

We got a preview of the final tally this week when Lindsey Graham, who is all at once the most awesome and most useless of GOP senators, took a break from both non-stop TV gigs talking big and from not holding hearings on this abomination to actually do something marginally interesting – getting signatures for a resolution making GOP senators go on record against this Democrat lynching, as if there’s ever been any other kind. 

And yeah, I called it a lynching. I’ll say anything I please. I know, I know, we can’t use that word and Democrats can because it truly is “their word,” since Democrats did all the lynching and blocked the anti-lynching laws. But before you pinkos wet yourselves, remember that I’m just channeling your buddy Joe Biden. Next, I’d like to channel his son, Hoover, and get 50K a month from Slavic oligarchs, which is perfectly legit and nothing to see. I’ll forgo the forgetting my crack pipe in my Hertz part.

Of the 53 GOP senators, 50 signed onto the Graham resolution as co-sponsors. The bad guys need 20 Republicans to flip minimum. Naturally, the loathsome Gimp Romney submitted and obeyed the Candy Crowleys of the media and refused to sign on. That puppy-persecuting, malignancy-dispensing sap is a sure vote for impeachment. Lisa Murkowski is too – why the normally sensible people in Alaska keep electing this human igloo is beyond me. 

And Susan Collins also refused. That’s weird. She’s usually very offended by unfairness and the lack of due process – look at her famed Kavanaugh speech. Why she is tolerating this disgraceful star chamber nonsense is unclear – is it because she’s in a tough election? The fact is, if she votes with the Dems, she loses every non-Never Trumper voter in her bizarre, moose-infested province. And the remaining collection of Fredocon maple marshmallows would deliver about 5% of the vote. Joining in on the lynching – HE SAID IT AGAIN! – would earn her exactly zero Democrat cross-over votes. None. So why she won’t sign on is a mystery. Susan Collins is frustratingly moderate, but while she is a RINO she’s not a dumb RINO. She is not a sure vote for impeachment.

Most GOP senators know this farce is stupid and wrong, and they don’t have to even think about it. But some are weak and some desperately want to go back to the days of elite unaccountability and the pleasing submission to progressive progress that was in effect before Donald Trump came along and started making conservatives actually conserve stuff. They would love to dump Trump if they could, but they know that the base would utterly demolish them. This is good, because it means the system is working. Politicians should live in perpetual terror of offending their constituents. In any case, the Graham poll is pretty clear that out of 53 GOP members, 50 are solid against conviction, whether from conviction or from the conviction that if they betray us, we’ll convict them in the next primary.

On the Democrat side, there are likely 47 Democrats ready to throw out the elected president based on what is literally fourth-hand hearsay accusing him of doing what Joe Biden is on videotape literally bragging about doing. That Doug Jones guy who won in Alabama solely because the GOP insisted on nominating that teen-dating weirdo is facing reelection in 2020, and he might waver in an attempt to save his seat. Joe Manchin probably won’t jump onto this sinking ship and will likely vote “No” – though he would totally vote “Yes” if it was going to pass. But think of the hilarity that would ensue if Manchin was faced with being vote Number 67 – that finger-in-the-wind weasel would likely spontaneously combust.

Note how any consideration of the manifest injustice of invalidating the American people’s decision in the 2016 election based on Schiff’s sham plays no role in any of this for the Dems. But hey, this coup d’twerps is not about right or wrong, nor fact or evidence, and never was. Though he didn’t, Trump should have affirmatively conditioned Ukrainian military aid on that corrupt country ferreting out the truth about why snortunate son Hunter was getting a prima facie corrupt payoff from a foreign oligarch. That’s irrelevant. The Democrats know they can’t beat Trump through the political process, or through the legal process, so they are simply going to try to manufacture a façade of high crimes and misdemeanors and take him out purely because they can. 

If they can. 

It’s all about power. It’s a gang fight. But it’s a gang fight we will win. Remember, the future belongs to those who can count.

Can you dig it?

You know who don’t count? The Never Trump losers who scribble away in their unread blogs dreaming of the day when once again the people in power will return their phone calls. These are the same cheesy defectives who called my action-packed yet hilarious novels of America torn apart by liberal malice, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire (Number IV, Collapse, is done and drops in November!) “appalling,” which is the best recommendation I could ever hope for!