Four politicians. Three Senate races. One congressional incumbent. Election Day is Tuesday, and every one of them has found a fresh way to remind us why the rest of us do the voting.
I'll go slowly, for the benefit of the campaigns involved.
- James Talarico: The Democrat running for Senate in Texas would like everyone to understand that the internet is a dangerous place. He's right. Townhall reported Friday that an email address his own attorneys confirm belonged to him turned up in the leaked 2011 database from Fling.com, an adult dating site. The record lists "fetish" and "group sex" as interests.
Not a question on the League of Women Voters questionnaire, but here we are.
His lawyers say a hacker did it. A bot, perhaps? Some stranger with a grudge against a future senator.
Townhall also found that the IP address on that Fling record matches one tied to an account registered under his sister's email in a separate breach. So either the hacker happens to share an IP address with the candidate's sister, which is quite the coincidence, or the lawyers have an answer they'd prefer not to give.
Pick one, counselor.
Three days out, neither is a good look for a man who has made his faith the centerpiece of his campaign. I'm sure the focus groups will be gentle.
- Mary Peltola: Alaska now has two Dan Sullivans on its Senate ballot. Allow me to explain how that happens. One is the Republican senator. The other is an unaffiliated candidate who shares his name, which would be a remarkable coincidence if it were one.
This week the New York Times reported, citing texts, interviews and a dozen former campaign staffers, that Democrat operatives tied to Peltola's campaign helped recruit him. One staffer was reportedly told to find every Dan Sullivan in the state. Every one. Governor Mike Dunleavy has ordered an investigation.
Peltola called it a distraction.
Two Dan Sullivans on one ballot is a distraction the way a second iceberg is a boating story.
Alaska already uses ranked-choice voting, a system that comes with instructions reminiscent of Swedish furniture. Adding identical names is less a plot twist than a stress test.
I'm waiting for the commercials.
"I'm Dan Sullivan, and I approved this message."
"I'm also Dan Sullivan, and I'd like to dispute that."
Somewhere a third Dan Sullivan is unplugging his telephone.
- Abdul El-Sayed: The Michigan Democrat spent a segment last week interrupting Bret Baier, who was attempting to ask about a 2012 statement El-Sayed signed concerning Egypt's Mohamed Morsi.
"Be a journalist," El-Sayed instructed.
"I am," Baier said.
Yes. That is the entire job. Asking questions. Mr. El-Sayed appears to believe the job is asking the questions the candidate has pre-approved, an arrangement known as a press release.
He is also still carrying the Hasan Piker problem. Even Haley Stevens, a fellow Michigan Democrat, has told him to cut Piker loose.
The strategy, as far as I can tell, is this: when Republicans criticize you, accuse them of bad motives. When journalists question you, explain their jobs to them. When fellow Democrats object, ask them to stand somewhere else.
It is less a campaign than a homeowners association meeting with national-security implications.
- Ilhan Omar: Yes, again. Third consecutive week on this list, which at this point is less a streak than a lease.
Democrat Rep. Omar (MN-5) is under federal investigation over her immigration records, and federal agents have searched her Washington home: most people in that position keep a low profile. Omar invited Hasan Piker to a livestream.
Piker, you'll recall, once declared on a livestream that "America deserved 9/11." Sen. Amy Klobuchar's (D-MN) campaign for governor called his statements "reckless and unacceptable." Democrat Rep. Angie Craig (MN-2) called his rhetoric "polarizing and dangerous" and said embracing him was "a mistake." They said so before Omar's event. She went anyway, joked about all the attention, and explained that everybody's watching because "we just look really good on their screens."
That is a theory.
A less flattering one involves the federal agents who searched her home.
So here's the field: Talarico has an email mystery, Peltola has two Dan Sullivans, El-Sayed has a continuing disagreement with the concept of being interviewed, and Omar managed to turn a bad week into a bipartisan conversation about her choice of friends.
I'm not going to tell you who had the worst week. You're adults. Mostly.
Vote in the comments or email me at ThatKEVINShow@gmail.com.
And on Tuesday, do the other kind of voting.