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OPINION

Rebel, Rebel: Tim Tebow

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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I wonder if the Tebow critics would be as mouthy about his faith if Tim’s name was Achmed and the god he praised after a TD was Allah. I doubt it. Why do I hesitate? Well, it’s principally because Christophobic toads are afraid to turn the verbal guns they use to berate Christians on Muslims, that’s why. Plus, they’d probably go to jail or get fired for “hate speech,” but good Lord, you can certainly rag on Christians, now can’t ‘cha?

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Yes, my children, Christians are fair game because the brethren won’t retaliate with an underwear bomb when you rip on them, and ridiculing them won’t get one censored. The harpy head lice know it and thus proceed with their daft quips about Tim’s faith displays. Macho, macho men.

Hey, Tebow critics: Why don’t you lambaste someone else with your unread blog? Y’know, like the air-humping narcissistic players who make parents cover their kids’ eyes every time they make a decent play, huh? Or would doing so be to condemn thyself, soul stroker?

Let me see if I get this straight: A sex worshipping, multi-tattooed thug with three illegit kids from three different women scores a touchdown and then proceeds to simulate a sex act in the end zone—in front of our children and the millions watching by television—and that’s okay? Why sure it is. Who are we to judge? Matter of fact, let’s give that future inmate a Nike ad and bump his contract up a few mil because he brings spice (and crabs) to the game. Ah … sweet progress.

On the other hand, in this evil-is-good and good-is-evil highway to hell culture, Tim Tebow, a model citizen, points toward heaven or bows a Rodin-style knee to Yahweh, and boom … he’s the bad guy. Well, if that’s the way it is in this culture of corruption then I’m supporting the rebel, Tim Tebow. He’s a rebel with a cause. The others are ridiculous without a clue.

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Oh, by the way, I thought bullying was banned in this nicey-nice milieu that the progressives have created. Did I miss a class where it is cool to mock the crap out of anyone who wears their faith in Jesus Christ on their sleeve? I must have because these jealous wannabes are going medieval on the Broncos’ QB.

As I sit back and watch the Tebow haters moan online and on air about TT’s commitment to the Five Solas of the Reformation, I’m trying to get what’s left of my mind around Tebow’s crimes against humanity. So far here’s what I have come up with:

1.  Tim believes in Jesus Christ. As do, I believe, um, millions upon millions of other folks. Let me check. Yes, I’m right. Google says there are a bunch of Christians out there.

2.  Tim’s a virgin. You can’t be a virgin anymore in our day, right? Yes, not being a whore in the 21st century is a sin to many like Charlie Sheen. Let me ask the ladies this question: Would you be cool with marrying a handsome, multi-millionaire star quarterback who you know doesn’t have some STD eating his junk? I thought so.

3.  Tim is public with his praise to God … as were Abraham, Moses, David, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Jesus, the Apostle Paul and America’s founders.

4.  The Broncos miraculously keep on winning.

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In summary, Tim is guilty of gratitude to God for all that He has given him, purity when it comes to sex and winning football games. Wow, what a loser.

Oh, one more thing: This goes out to the obnoxious atheists who are spewing smack about Tebow’s devotion to God. Say you’re wrong in your assessment of whether there is a God or not, and oops, it turns out He does exist. I’m a guessin’ that you might be messin’ your pants one day when you have to go toe-to-toe with the One whose faithful followers you’ve been mocking for the last few years.

Go Broncos!

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