Six Ways Obama Might Win Young Voters in 2012

I wonder what kind of campaign voodoo Obama’s going to foist on young voters to get them to buy his “Hope and Change” (again) in 2012?  

What potent potion, pray tell, will he concoct to get the 18- to 35-year-olds to actually get off their unemployed butts, leave their mommies’ basements, drive their chitty Chevy Volts to the polls, and wait for hours in a snaking line only to punch a ballot for four more years of this economic hell?

I’ll tell you one thing: BHO had better be way slicker than he was back in ‘07 because the twentysomethings he mesmerized then have grown more cynical than Christopher Hitchens watching Jan Crouch talk about how Jesus resurrected her pet chicken.  

The mood has changed so drastically among formerly enchanted young voters that I hear Amber Ettinger now has a crush on Rick Perry. C’est la vie.

One thing’s for certain: Obama can’t blame GW anymore—at least not with any credibility for a thinking crowd. That’s getting old … as in, real old. This blaming of Bush might have worked for the first two months of his administration but not for two plus years. C’mon BHO, that’s like Elizabeth Taylor saying all of her husbands had problems. I’m thinking: Really, Liz? All your husbands weren’t cricket? Maybe after eight disastrous marriages, ranging from a hotel heir to Larry the Cable Guy, that maybe (just maybe) it was you who were a bubble off level.  

One tactic that might garner the youth’s vote for Obama would be for him to turn to Hollywood again. Do some celebrity stuff! Young people love them some Hollywood. Woo Hoo!  

For instance, howzabout the following considerations for 2012’s election, Mr. President?

1.    Show up to all the debates in an egg like Lady Gaga did for the 2011 Grammys. You could have four of your men—Biden, Geithner, Holder and Napolitano—carry you into each contest like an avian Cleopatra. The kiddos would love it.  

2.    Do a duet with Justin Bieber. No! Do a duet with Britney. Resurrect her song “Oops!… I Did It Again.” That’s gold. Pure gold.

3.    Join Dancing with the Stars and partner up with Chaz Bono. That would prove to everybody you’re not a “hater,” as Cher calls all those who think gender reassignment surgery and bearded women are … um … kind of, uh, odd.

4.    Go to work at the White House every day from now through November 2012 without a shirt on like the Situation.

5.    Speaking of the Situation, have Snooki and the crew move into the Lincoln Bedroom. Slogan: “Gym, Tan and Laundry in 2012.” Fist bumps! Whoop, whoop!  

6.    Lastly, cast for the lead role in the next movie of the Twilight saga titled, The Return of the Blood Suckers. Pattinson wouldn’t stand a chance against your performance.

The trick is to somehow distract young voters from the failed Obamanomics that have formidably bit them in their waif thin wallets.

Across the board Obama is losing job approval love with everyone except illegal aliens, Robert Gibbs, Muslims and the CBC. I hear he’s not even polling well with his kids, and that’s why he bombed ‘em this summer with the multitudinous vacays.  

I guess all the aforementioned means that for victory to be secured for re-election, Project Vote/ACORN has got to kick it into high gear for the next 14 months. Yep, it looks as if Obama will seriously have to lean on them for “help.” Indeed, you guys better have rested up between 2008’s election, filing bankruptcy and the various indictments y’all are up against because you’re going to be busy beavers for the next year. Vote early and often.