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Dear Democrats
OPINION

How Do You Debate a Deranged Muppet?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Morry Gash

The big debate is tonight between JD Vance and Tim Walz. Between someone who actually deployed to a war zone and Mr. Stolen Valor Fraudie Murphy who lied for years about having done it, then blamed his lies on bad grammar. Between a man who came from nothing and rose to wealth and political office and someone who bounces around like a Division III college mascot who got into the team’s medicine cabinet. What can JD Vance expect in his debate with a deranged Muppet?

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Tim Walz is the kind of guy you leave a neighborhood BBQ when he shows up, because you know he’s going to get loud and embarrassing; the type of person who think noogies are still funny after the age of 12 and oddly touches other people’s kids while talking about “how big they’ve gotten.” He’s just kind of gross.

He is not anyone people choose to be around for long periods – an Irish Setter of a person who has families putting fragile valuables on the top shelf when he’s coming over to keep them from breaking. He’s every character Chris Farley played: funny to watch, as long as you don’t have to deal with him.

He’s hard to take seriously, let alone talk to. 

But Vance has to take him seriously, and can do some serious damage to the Democratic ticket if he does it well enough, which I hope he will do.

Walz was chosen as a nod to the radical left. Kamala had to lie about every position she’s ever held (no, that’s not a Willie Brown joke) in order to stand a chance, so picking Fraudie Murphy was a wink and a nod to the left that she’s really on their team, even if she talks about things they despise like securing the border, Israel or just the country in a positive way. 

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He’s a committed radical with an affinity for China, having bragged about visiting the country as a guest of the tyrannical regime 30 times. Sure, like most of his life – the rank he retired at in the military, his deployments, carrying weapons in war, claiming to be a championship coach when he was an assistant coach who didn’t make the calls to turn the football program around – Tim Walz is a shameless liar. The guy loves to tell crowds that he believes in “leaving people the hell alone” but set up a hotline to encourage citizens to rat out anyone who didn’t obey his COVID lockdown rules. These “deviants” include people who went to church, played basketball and hugged a neighbor. Even East Germany didn’t go that far.

It's hard to seriously debate someone it’s hard to take seriously, but that was Vance has to do. He’s not debating Tim Walz, he’s got to use Tim Walz to hit Kamala Harris – and hit her he must on every issue.

Whatever the question, smack Walz and go right after Harris. 

Tim will do the same in the other direction. Look, he’s dumb and unaccomplished. Anyone can lie about their lives and get elected, if they’re a Democrat. But, honestly, that doesn’t matter. No one is going to vote for or against either ticket based on who the number two is, it’s just not going to happen. It’s about the top of the ticket, period.

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Tim Walz knows this. He’s not even trying to sell Kamala Harris to anyone, he knows voters will either recoil at the prospect of Trump winning the presidency again or not. Those who can’t stand the idea are the people he has to encourage to look past the gag reflex they have at the prospect of a Harris administration (no, this isn’t a Willie Brown joke either). 

It’s an easier sell, the idea that you’re not the other team, because people are going to buy something, and Vance has to keep that in mind. You may hate a bologna sandwich, so whatever else is available will be your default choice, but if discover that choice is haggis it may change your mind about what to have for lunch.

The Democratic ticket is the haggis of politics, people just need to be reminded of it. It offers the promise of being a delicacy in Scottland but delivers the fact that it’s layers of boiled gross to the point that you being to take the side of the English is all their years of oppression. 

More than selling Donald Trump, JD Vance has to expose who the Democratic ticket is, what they’ve done and what they want to do. By probing Kamala’s record and exposing it to the public for the first time, really, JD can get people to see who the radical left is and the sick, disgusting things they want to do to everyone, should they get into a position of power…and that is a Willie Brown joke, just like they all were.

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Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!) and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses, and host of the weekly “Week in F*cking Review” podcast where the news is spoken about the way it deserves to be. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.

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