Hey, Buddy, Could You Spare a Couple Thousand Votes?

The wild and wacky world of Israeli politics.

American and Israeli voting generally does not occur at the same time. This year, Israel’s national elections (in which I cannot vote) and America’s midterm elections (for which the great state of Nevada did not send me my absentee ballot) are only a week apart. The last time I recall such close elections occurred when Bibi Netanyahu and Barack Obama both won in 2008. Obama loathed Bibi then and still does today. Bibi is still prime minister, while Obama still acts like he is the president.

Currently, 38 parties are registered for the Knesset elections next week. The Knesset holds 120 seats and a stable government generally involves a coalition of 61 or more members. The most recent poll that I saw — and it will change before you read this — had Bibi Netanyahu’s Likud in the lead with 25 seats. When you realize that the “leader” has less than half a tank of gas to 61, you understand how much horse trading goes on after the elections. I am constantly bombarded with advertisements of Naftali Bennet bellowing that he will take 30 billion shekels (around $10 billion) from those who don’t serve in the IDF (ostensibly the ultraorthodox or “charedim”) and give it to those who do. If he is 16 members short of the magic number and the charedim have the numbers, he will sing a brand-new song about how he really is ultraorthodox at heart and the mini-kippah that he wears on his head hides a much bigger black one that he hides underneath his skull.

Israel has some very interesting voting rules. No party can enter the Knesset with less than four seats. So, of the many parties that signed up to run, only a fraction will actually have representation in the big building shaped like the altar that was in the Temple. Another rule involves “vote sharing.” Let’s imagine that 1.2 million people vote. That means each seat is won with 10,000 votes (1.2 million divided by 120 places). Let’s say that my imaginary Townhall Party wins 46,000 votes. We would get into the Knesset with a minimum of four mandates. But what of those poor 6,000 people who voted for us but didn’t get a seat? Not to worry. We signed an agreement with the New York Post Party that whoever gets more leftover votes takes those of the other party. As the Post has 4,000 unused votes, we get them, and voila, we have another 10,000 votes and one more seat in the Israeli parliament. Immediately upon the polls closing, the news organizations know pretty much how many seats each party received. Where things are not 100 percent certain involves this vote-sharing business, which requires detailed knowledge of voter tallies. It’s generally +/- 1 seat for a handful of parties.

Israel requires photo ID like all advanced countries outside of the United States (thanks, Democrats and John Thune). It would seem that one has to vote in an assigned precinct location, though in the past, one could move around to vote where convenient. It’s an official work holiday, and public transportation is free in order to get people to their voting booths. One can only vote in the country unless he or she is serving the state of Israel abroad. There is no such thing as “early voting” or “absentee ballots.” In the past, a lot of Israelis flew in to vote; with flights hyper-expensive, I don’t know if we will see the same thing this year. When you vote, you hand over your ID, get an envelope, and enter the voting booth. There, one finds something that looks like a child’s game. It is a big matrix, with each box holding the name and a one- or two-letter code for a party. Shas uses the Hebrew name for its political name: ש"ס. One takes the card he wants, puts it in the yellow envelope, seals it, and then walks out to put it into a big blue box with the Knesset seal on it. If one puts more than one card in the envelope, his vote is discarded. There is also a “white card,” which is to say that I am voting but can’t stand any of the 38 flavors you have offered me. A person takes his ID or driver’s license back and goes on his way. Low-tech and pretty efficient. No voting machines in the highest tech country in the world.

As is usually the case, the predictions run the gamut of possibilities. “Bibi is finished!” “Bibi will surprise everybody!” “Eizenkot will form the next government!” “We’ll have several rounds of inconclusive voting as we did a few years back!” President Trump was supposedly not happy with Bibi until he dropped an incredibly supportive endorsement of his “warrior” friend. Donald Trump is much loved in Israel, and his positive view of the current prime minister is not lost on people who are not ideologically locked in. Who will win? I don’t know, and as I can’t vote as an American citizen/permanent resident, I’ll just wait for the news at home.

One of the challenges that Israel is facing is that it doesn’t have enough Jews. The Left fell apart over a decade ago as its policies led to intifada and not the promised peace. Lefty Meretz disappeared from the political map, and the once all-powerful Labor Party barely passed the electoral threshold. Any non-Likud government will probably have to once again turn to an Islamist party to reach the magical 61. And while Israelis are tolerant and Arabs can be found in all parts of Israeli society, including the High Court, the question becomes one of trust: can you plan a sneak attack on Iran and either leave out the Islamic ministers or tell them and expect to lose the advantage of surprise? The ultraorthodox parties have historically sat with both Left and Right, and their only interest in the past was funding of educational institutions and large families. Now the big issue is IDF enlistment, and no major party is interested in catering to their desire to be left on the sidelines. But it may be that nobody will be able to form a stable government without the 16 or more Shas and United Torah Judaism Knesset members. Everybody knows those delicious New York pretzels that they sell hot with mustard. Now wait for the Jerusalem pretzel as politicians who swore to enlist every religious guy start to sing a new tune about how important Torah study is for the country.

It is not my place to comment on God’s sense of humor. But who are the “Palestinians”? Ultimately, most of them can be traced back to Arabs who did not live for generations where they are today but rather came from Syria, Egypt, and other nearby countries because the Jews were building farms and factories. They came because the locals made the place appealing. Now, they and their foreign supporters are demanding that the Jews vacate and give them the keys. And what of the looters and destroyers in France? They obviously had some mobility, so why didn’t they go to Pakistan or live in Turkey and not continue on to Europe? Because the locals (in France) built a highly desirable country with a good standard of living. And their very recent violent outburst is the newcomers’ way of saying that they believe it should belong to them.

Macron wanted “Palestine,” and he got it on the Champs-Élysées: the ones who showed up to enjoy your wealth now claim that they own the place and that you and your ilk should be gon — Au revoir, little man. You can see Celine Dion in Las Vegas.

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