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Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Jon Sanders :: Townhall.com Columnist
Everything We Know For Federal Bailout We Got From Nigerian E-Mail
by Jon Sanders
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To: [Undisclosed recipients]
From: The White House
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

My fellow Americans,

I am TOP OFFICIAL IN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT who have confidence in your ability and reliability to prosecute a TRANSACTION REQUIRING YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION.

We in federal government are interested in PURCHASE OF TROUBLED ASSETS with VALUE WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED in housing market crash. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us to transfer into YOUR PUBLIC REVENUE ACCOUNT in Washington District of Columbia the said trapped assets.

The source of this fund is as follows: During PREVIOUS REGIME, government officials set up enterprises and policies which were GROSSLY DISTORT normal market risk mechanism. Many private financial institutions made BIG MISTAKE and now much value is TRAPPED. This is BIG OPPORTUNITY FOR US.

However, by virtue of our position as civil servants and members of this government, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore been delegated as a matter of TRUST by my fellow officials to look for OUT OF WASHINGTON PARTNERS upon whose PUBLIC ACCOUNT we would transfer PROFIT on the SUM OF 700,000,000,000 US$ (SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS). Hence I am writing you this email communication.

We have agreed to share the money thus: 100% (ONE HUNDRED PERCENT) of the profits of the appreciation of value of these assets to go to our taxpayer partners in PUBLIC ACCOUNT in Washington District of Columbia. You authorize our use of public account to purchase these assets, and then we will sell them sometime for MAKING GIANT PROFIT. Even if small chance no profit is made, I have pledge to fellow officials to propose bill to get money back in five years.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE and we hope to commence the transaction AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. We must ACT NOW to take advantage of this ONCE-IN-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY for MAKE MONEY NOW.

We are looking forward to doing business with you and solicit your confidence in this transaction. Please acknowledge receipt of this email by DOING NOTHING. Please DO NOT CALL us in Washington any more. We will send you detailed information of this pending project when we STOP HEARING FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

GEORGE PRESIDENT BUSH
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About The Author
Jon Sanders is a policy analyst and research editor at the John Locke Foundation in Raleigh, N.C.

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(25 comments so Far)
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Reply # 1
Date: Oct 1, 2008 - 2:00 PM EST
Nigerian Email
Jon,

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. This would be histerically funny if it wasn't for the fact that there are so many elements of the "rescue plan" that rely on blind trust and ignorance. Both of which are standard attributes of Nigerian fraud rings. The other irony of all of this is that just like the email fraud, the criminal origins of this whole mess will never be caught and prosecuted.

Great job!
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Reply # 2
Date: Oct 1, 2008 - 1:02 PM EST
Puglousy and the Market close
When you want to think of the lies and almost criminal actions of a political party, think of this. If the Demo members of Barney Franks committee who voted against the bill the other day, had voted YES, it would have passed. They are on now, or off then, whatever Barney wants. Do you think that was their idea? No!

If the bill had passed with most all Demos voting YES, and if it would have worked as planned, the Demos would be thrilled to get all the credit. However, if the Bill would not work as hoped for, they wanted enough Repub. YES votes so that the Demos could then blame the Repub. for passing the bill.

And another thing, why did Puglousy call for the vote before the Markets closed for the day? Anyone familiar with how the Govt. works, and how the media works, and how the Market works, could have said that after the market closed, the huge money lost would not have happened, but Puglousy wanted a market crash.

That stupid act on her watch, cost investors hundreds of billion of dollars, but it served the desires of the Demos.

Have you heard or read of the timing of the Vote, and the Market close, mentioned by anyone but me? Am I right or wrong?
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