As we survey the smoldering wreckage left in the wake of Donzilla, who has treated the Treachery Caucus of the Republican Party like a kaiju treats Tokyo, we should smile in satisfaction at a job well done. We destroyed the old Republican Party, and from the ashes something new has risen—something that fights. We are no longer sober managers of decline, outlasted and outgunned reactionaries trying to stand athwart history yelling “Stop!” in high-pitched, girlish voices. We’re now brawlers and battlers, no longer constrained by unilateral norms or guardrails that serve only to limit our ability to pursue our own interests. You can tell how much our enemies hate it because the Democrats cry about how we’re no longer like Ronald Reagan. Well, I was there when they were crying about how we were no longer like Ike. You are truly blessed if you find someone to love you like Democrats love a long-dead Republican.
Sure, there remains some work to do—bye-bye, Lisa Murkowski—but don’t let anyone tell you the Republican Party hasn’t changed for the better. As frustrating and annoying as the process is, our pols are a hell of a lot better than they used to be. And the quality continues to improve, as President Trump’s recent acts of political hygiene demonstrate:
Thomas Massie? He’s been punted into oblivion, and no, it wasn’t the fault of the Jews, the Epstein cabal, the Trilateral Commission, or the saucer people.
Thom Tillis? That tool didn’t even bother running because he knew he was going to get primaried after years of tofu-spined obstruction of our agenda.
Mitch McConnell? Time has taken him out, not Trump, but he was a pain in our collective backside, and Trump helped marginalize him. We must credit Cocaine Mitch for saving the Supreme Court, but it’s time to go.
Bill Cassidy? The doctor is out. That’s what you get for joining the Democrats to impeach our president.
John Cornyn? Hey, I hope collaborating with the Democrats on gun control—I’m still trying to figure out why any sane Republican would ever collaborate with the Democrats on gun control—was worth the humiliation of being rejected by your own state. Promising amnesty to Dreamers didn’t help—turns out the Republican base has a dream, too: a dream of an America where foreigners who shouldn’t be here are required to follow the law just like us American citizens.
And the clock is ticking for the rest of the remaining RINOs, starting in 2028. The above-mentioned Eskimo AOC is serving on borrowed time. Jimmy Lankford of Oklahoma needs to answer for his amnesty betrayal. You can almost hear the collective sphincters tighten as Republican politicians consider the consequences of defying Donald Trump, and thereby, defying us.
The message is clear. If you betray the base, you’re going down. It’s not just Trump doing it. Trump is our avatar, the guy who swings the sword for us. But make no mistake: We have taken the Republican Party, and we’re going to solidify our hold. Critics whine that the GOP is now a Trump party. That betrays their fundamental misunderstanding of what’s going on, and it’s not our duty to correct them. What they don’t understand is that Trump is not imposing his will from above. We, through Trump, are imposing our will from below.
But still, 45/47 is essential to this task, because he channels our power to dominate our party. You’ve got to admire the way Donald Trump imposes his iron discipline upon the feminine, spineless, weak managers of America’s decline that are the old-school establishment GOP. His secret power is not respecting people who don’t deserve respect, refusing to default to honoring those who are without honor and deserve none. He destroyed the Republican Party as we knew it: a unified, corrupt, venal pack of losers whose battle cry in the face of Marxist Democrats was “Us too, we just can’t be so obvious about it.”
But see, that was their problem. They were obvious about it. They never expected us in the base to actually do anything about it, to upset the apple cart, kick over the moneychangers’ tables, or choose as our avatar a bull-in-a-china-shop celebrity who just didn’t give a damn because he had the money not to give a damn. Their contempt for us was limitless. They hated us, and they snickered at us with their Democrat friends down at the country club or while clinking glasses at cocktail parties. We were primitives, knuckle-draggers, idiots, and if you’d toss us a few words about cutting taxes, faith, family, and the Flag, and we’d flap our fins like trained seals. Then, after the election, they could take off their regional duds and put them away until the next election cycle. They’d go home to their real home, Washington, D.C., and start feeding at the trough again.
Do you remember how they reacted to the Tea Party? I sure do, because I was there—because I’m old. You might think, if you have no understanding of old-school Republican politics, that they would happily embrace a popular movement to do all the things they’d been promising to do for years and years and years. But that rests on a false premise: that they actually wanted to do the things they had been promising. They didn’t. They just wanted the people who wanted those things done to vote for them. So when the Tea Party rose up, they fought it—they were as much an enemy as the Democrats. The GOP stiffs treated these earnest, eager conservative activists like a tubby herpetic with Peyronie’s disease crashing an orgy (which is an apt metaphor because a lot of them were freaky perverts—“wide stance,” anybody?).
Well, the good news is we’ve gotten rid of a lot of these guys. You whippersnappers can complain about how the GOP caucus sucks now, but you know nothing of the GOP caucus sucking. Let me tell you about a GOP caucus full of Jeff Flakes and Bill Frists, full of people who thought George Bush was the archetype of the perfect Republican politician, with his gentlemanly inclination to surrender to Democrats and, later—after we told his fat brother to sod off—to stab in the back the very people who once backed him up when “Chimpy McBushitler” wouldn’t even back up himself. To this very day, he’s still palling around with his real friends, Bill and Barack, as well as painting pictures of the guys he got killed or maimed through his gross incompetence.
Endless wars were just one of their failures. Their other failures were…pretty much everything. All they did was fail. All they did was pose, posture, and talk a good game. But it wasn’t a good enough game, because we weren’t fooled and we took them out. Cycle by cycle, loser by loser, we are building a Republican Party whose metric is success rather than deception of its own voters.
They aren’t going quietly. We’re being told that we have to be sensible, we have to be smart, we have to re-elect the old-school establishment Republican who doesn’t do what we want because, if we nominate somebody we actually do want, he’s certainly going to lose. And sometimes they’re right. Sometimes we need to support someone who’s a little more moderate than we are. Susan Collins makes it easy for us to support her even though she’s much more moderate because she doesn’t pretend to be a conservative or anything except Maine’s Number One booster and free of any Nazi tattoos. We’ll take her any day over Herr Oberstoysterfuhrer. True, sometimes we’ve nominated bad candidates, but there’s a difference between a candidate who’s going to have to fight to win, and a candidate like the chick who denied she was a witch or the guy who dated 16-year-olds who’s never going to win.
Party discipline is a good thing. There’s a lot of complaining about how this is Trump’s party, by which they mean that it’s now our party, but you know what? It’s good for politicians to do what the people want. Maybe 2% of Republicans wanted Donald Trump impeached. But Bill Cassidy thought he was smarter that 98% of us. No, he had to follow his conscience. And now he’s going to follow his conscience back to Louisiana.
Thom Tillis gave away the game when he went on with Jake Tapper and expressed how much freer he and his friends feel now that they don’t actually have to answer to voters. They were lying to us, and he admitted they were lying to us, and he thinks that’s OK. He thinks that’s a good thing. He was born without a shame gene. And now he’s going to live without a Senate seat.
Our opponents are trying to prevent us from purifying our ranks. The last thing they want are Republicans who are reliable votes for the America First agenda. They want the mavericks, the jerks, the people who pretend to be conservative back in their nominal home states yet who vote like Democrats when they’re back in D.C. They want Republicans who will help them obstruct our agenda. And now they are really sad because we’re getting rid of the Benedict Arnold Caucus.
So the next time somebody complains that the GOP has been broken to the will of Donald Trump, smile, because you know that the truth is that the GOP has been broken to the will of GOP voters, and that Donald Trump was merely the club we used to beat it into submission.
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