Dear Bill O'Reilly & Juan Williams: How Much Of Islam's Butt Should We Kiss?
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
FYI, to O'Reilly and Juan: Most of Islam lives in a 24/7 state of unnecessary rage. They’re more moody than my buddy’s nutty wife who makes a rabid Rottweiler on meth look like Mr. Rogers after seventeen bong hits of Bruce Banner #3.
Look, gents (and you know this), everything we do ticks Islam off. We don’t have to doodle Mohammed cartoons to get them in a full-on hissy fit. They’re there. Like in, already. As in, right now.
For example: I had an applewood, avocado, bibb lettuce, farm fresh tomato, herb aioli on pressed sourdough double-bacon BLT for lunch today served up by a definite non-Muslim girl who looked just like a 22-year-old Britney Spears in a black T-shirt. You think Islam liked that? Uh, no. It’s an ”abomination” to them, worthy of lashings.
Oh … speaking of BritBrit, they are also no-fan of Miss Spears' cleavage, and it’s not because her two kids from Federline drained the living life out of her mammaries, but principally because she likes to show off her puppies pretty much everywhere she goes; and somehow that’s deemed an “offense” to the men who stare at goats. Go figure.
Another, kooky example of how discombobulated the Religion Of Perpetual Rage is: Iran just banned trendy haircuts because they’re supposedly spawned by “devil worshipers”.
Now granted, I’m sure Josè Eber is no saint. I mean ... like ... who is? But to call the likes of a hair-stylist, such as Josè, a “devil worshiper” for providing men with a hipster hair-cut, is to, how would one say, skip a few steps.
By the way, if these lovelies think a modicum of pomade makes one an apostate then please ... for the love of God … no one forward them pics of Adam Lambert’s new-doo because their heads will explode and we’ll be picking brain tissue and rag particles out of the acoustic tiles in HUD homes for the next decade.
While we're on the topic of what makes Islam incensed, get a load of this: kids who lip-sync to Pharrell's “Happy” song, I kid you not, make Muslims muy loco. Yes, a song about being Happy, makes The Religion Of Peace mad as hell and it lead to the arrest of six young Iranians.
So, Bill and Juan, what should we do with the implacable Islamic nutters?
How much do we cave to their crazy, graceless criteria? Where does it end?
If we follow your line of logic and not do cartoons that make Muslims mad, then should I dispense with my BLT? Should Britney stop shopping at Frederick's of Hollywood? Should Adam abandon getting his faux-hawk moussed to gravity-defying heights? And Should Pharrell scrap his “Happy” tune because that makes Islam so mad they want to spit?
Should we all just roll up in the fetal position and wet our big wussy diaper lest we offend The Religion Of Never-Ending Offense?
Here's looking out for you.