Five candidates. No shortage of material. I'll go slowly, in case anyone involved is reading.
- The Atlantic Asphalt: On Friday, a tanker by that name hit a docked riverboat in New Orleans so broadside, and so hard, that the riverboat rolled onto its side. Docked. As in not moving. A riverboat sitting still at the Port of New Orleans is the easiest object on the Mississippi to avoid. The mayor says the tanker "lost control." The Coast Guard says a river pilot was at the helm, and it doesn't yet know why. Thirty-two people were hurt. Everyone was accounted for, which the Coast Guard called a miracle, and it was. Whatever the investigators find, somebody has a very long weekend ahead, and the Coast Guard's first order of business now is reopening the river.
- The FAA: Also Friday, the agency grounded every departing flight in the country for more than four hours. It's the first nationwide ground stop since January 2023 and only the second since 9/11. By mid-afternoon, nearly 7,000 flights were delayed or canceled. The explanation: a "telecommunication outage." Transportation Sec. Duffy blamed outdated technology and overloaded routers. A national air traffic system that can be knocked flat by routers that get overloaded isn't a glitch. It's a confession. Duffy is asking Congress to pay for the upgrade, which should make for a lively conversation with the incoming majority, the same one already planning its investigations.
- Rep. Hakeem Jeffries: 11 days ago, Democrats routed Republicans and swept both chambers. Friday in Denver, about ten hecklers told the incoming speaker he's too timid and shouted, "We need new leadership." Incoming members say they've been inundated with calls urging them not to vote for him. Rep.-elect Don Leonard says senior Democrats told him they'd make his life a living hell if he kept attaching conditions to his vote. His description: "very friendly advice with very stark consequences." When the moderator noted how calm he stayed, Jeffries said, "Remember, y'all, I grew up in Brooklyn." He runs unopposed, the caucus votes Wednesday, and none of his new members have even been sworn in. That's what a landslide looks like when the winners start fighting over who owns it. Win big enough and your opponents become the people sitting behind you.
- Jensen Huang: For years, he's told Washington that selling chips to China keeps America ahead. This week he acknowledged a relationship with an executive U.S. officials accuse of working for Chinese intelligence, and Nvidia's board opened an investigation. Then Reuters reported that Northwestern Polytechnical University, which researches military aircraft, missiles and satellites and has been on the Commerce Department's blacklist since 2001, bought two of Nvidia's H200 chips in October. It's the university that's blacklisted, not the chips, which is rather the point. Reuters also reviewed 26 Chinese procurement records showing more institutions getting restricted Nvidia hardware through local suppliers. Three Republican committee chairmen want a closed-door briefing from Huang on November 18. Sell the world's most valuable shovels in a gold rush, and you're bound to meet some interesting customers.
- Shawn Mendes: On Thursday, the singer posted "FREE PALESTINE" to 68.4 million Instagram followers and declared, "There is a genocide happening before our eyes." He added that it "can feel scary to speak up; I feel it now as I type this." Courage in 2026 is a post, a donation link, and a caption about how frightening the post is. Creative Community for Peace called the genocide claim "a dangerous lie propagated by Hamas."
Here's the problem with the present tense. The ceasefire took effect in October 2025, more than 13 months ago. By the numbers of Gaza's own Hamas-run health ministry, the death rate since the truce was about 4 percent of the wartime rate: roughly 125 a month, against roughly 3,000. Genocide is a legal term with a legal definition and a question of intent. It isn't a caption. And if you're going to tell 68 million people what's happening before their eyes, the eyes might want to check the calendar.
So there's the field. A tanker that couldn't miss a parked boat. A federal agency that grounded America over a router. A speaker-in-waiting getting heckled by his own victory party. A chip king with unusual customers. And a pop star who declared a genocide 13 months into a ceasefire.
I'm not going to tell you who had the worst week. You're adults. Mostly.
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