Have yourself a microaggression Christmas

M.D. Kittle
Posted: Dec 23, 2015 5:00 AM
Have yourself a microaggression Christmas

From UCLA to Mizzou to Yale, the perpetually offended crowd is shutting down speech it finds, well, offensive. It’s only a matter of time before the political correctness police start going after Christmas.

As a public service, Watchdog offers the list of Christmas songs that could at any moment be viewed as microaggressions by the left, which must in good conscience do all that it can to ban such messages from violating someone’s — anyone’s — safe space.

Santa Claus is Coming to TownQuestionable lyrics: “He’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s going to find out who’s naughty or nice.” Analysis from Microaggression panel: Oh, Mr. White Power Claus has an exclusionary list, does he? Some people get presents, some people don’t? Typical 1-percenter, white privilege logic. Expect a #NaughtyLIvesMatter protest at the North Pole demanding that all of the naughty kids get presents, too.

Photo by Mediamiser.com

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT: The perpetually offended crowd might just move to ban Christmas classics like ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town” if anyone, anywhere is offended.

Frosty the Snowman. Questionable Lyrics: “Frosty the SnowMAN … HE was made of snow, but the children know how he came to life one day.” Microaggression panel analysis: Who’s to say Frosty is a Snowman? Maybe ever since Frosty was a little snowball there has been a snowWOMAN just screaming to get out. Let’s keep Christmas Gender Neutral.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Questionable lyrics: “All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph, join in any reindeer games.” Microaggression panel analysis. This is the ultimate bullying song. Maybe you are the misfit, Koch Brothers!

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Questionable lyrics: “When we found her Christmas morning, at the scene of the attack, she had hoof prints on her forehead, and incriminating Claus marks on her back.” Microaggression panel analysis: Come on! Do we need to perpetuate this culture of sleigh violence? This song is nothing more than a trigger image for individuals who have lost family members due to reckless elves.

Photo by neatorama.com

BABY, IT’S A ROOFIE: Dino’s got a sweet song for you.

Little Drummer Boy. Questionable lyrics: “I have no gift to bring, That’s fit to give our king.” Microaggression panel analysis: Great. Make the disadvantaged feel horrible all over again.

Baby, It’s Cold OutsideQuestionable lyrics:  “Say, what’s in this drink? … “I ought to say no, no, no.” Microagression panel analysis. This is nothing more than a date rape song. Wait…They might have something here. Especially the Dean Martin version.

White Christmas. Questionable lyrics: The entire premise of the song. “May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white.” Microaggression panel analysis: The ultimate white privilege song.