Michelle Obama and the USDA: Luminaries for a Healthier Society

Posted: Jan 25, 2012 3:33 PM

Good news! First Lady Michelle Obama and the Department of Agriculture possess, not merely the full knowledge and foresight necessary to engineer health and wellness in schoolchildren across America, but also, the wisdom to know that they're using government power for the greater good. Thank you, Mrs. Obama and Mr. Vilsack, for parenting our country's children and looking out for their wellbeing -- even if you have to almost literally shove it down the their ungrateful throats (emphasis mine):

New Standards Will Improve the Health and Wellbeing of 32 Million Kids Nationwide

FAIRFAX, Va., Jan. 25. 2012 – First Lady Michelle Obama and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack today unveiled new standards for school meals that will result in healthier meals for kids across the nation. The new meal requirements will raise standards for the first time in more than fifteen years and improve the health and nutrition of nearly 32 million kids that participate in school meal programs every school day. The healthier meal requirements are a key component of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, which was championed by the First Lady as part of her Let's Move! campaign and signed into law by President Obama. ...

The final standards make the same kinds of practical changes that many parents are already encouraging at home, including:

-Ensuring students are offered both fruits and vegetables every day of the week;

-Substantially increasing offerings of whole grain-rich foods;

-Offering only fat-free or low-fat milk varieties;

-Limiting calories based on the age of children being served to ensure proper portion size; and

-Increasing the focus on reducing the amounts of saturated fat, trans fats and sodium.

The "latest in nutrition science"! A "healthier generation"! No more "fatty, salty, sugary foods"! Guaranteed results! What could go wrong? I'm sure this program will work out perfectly, at no expense to the taxpayer and with absolutely zero unintended consequences -- like, you know, black markets in Cheetos or students trashing their quinoa salad en masse. Just remember, nanny-statism is always an unfailing recipe for success!