Former Virginia governor's letter to wife

AP News
Posted: Aug 23, 2014 11:41 AM

The text of former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell's email to his wife, Maureen, introduced into evidence in their public corruption trial:

From: Bob McDonnell

Sent: Mon 9/05/2011 12:54 PM (GMT -4)

To: Maureen Mcdonnell

Subject: (No Subject)

I love you. Yesterday was one on the lowest points in my life. We have had very hard year emotionally, despite a wonderful anniversary celebration. You are my soulmate. I love being married to you and having a family. We have shared much good life together. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life which I wish I could fix. I am so sorry for all the times I have not been there for you and have done things to hurt you. I know I am a sinner and keep trying to do better. But I am completely at a loss as to how to handle the fiery anger and hate from you that has become more and more frequent. You told me again yesterday that you would wreck my things and how bad I am. It hurt me to my core. I have asked and prayed to God so many times to take this anger away from you and heal whatever hurt is causing it....some going back years and years. He has not yet answered those prayers. I often lie awake at night thinking what I can do to try to make things better. I admit that I do keep away from you sometimes and don't talk to you about important things or problems to avoid confrontation. My whole life is spent trying to help my family and other people. Overall I am incredibly blessed to lead the life we have lead, and you are too. More great children, good jobs, material comforts and friends than most people ever have. I fight to continue to be humble and thankful for All God has done. l was very excited about this weekend to spend 3 days with you to do what we wanted. We started tough friday night but we agreed to a reset. I wanted yesterday to show we could work together. I planned to open gifts, walk to the river with you, talk to you(like you did when you bared your sweet soul a little about your childhood on the Aspen trip this summer) read, watch a movie and catch up on personal business. Somehow the best plans with us never work out. It makes me very sad. I am lonely sometimes. I want to be in love, not just watch movies about it. You are doing a really great job as First Lady...better than any I've seen and better than you probably expected as you were nervous taking the FLOVA job. l'm so proud of your public actions. Our private life though has great heartache. You tell me all the time how bad your life has been with me and how unhappy you are. l do not understand this. I am so spiritually and mentally exhausted from being yelled at. I don't think you realize how you are affecting me and sometimes others with your tongue. As you told me many times and bought the book, "don't sweat the samll stuff'. And everything is small stuff(Gary Smalley). I beg of you to think about conflict resolution in a peaceful manner. Ironically that was the focus of the readings at Church and Fr Jims homily yesterday. There is no problem we can't work out if we are calm and talk nicely and respect each others position. I am NOT preaching! l love you and want to help make you happy and our family endure. I will do anything possible to try to fix our marriage if you will work with me. Today I will spend on the many tasks I need to do:working on Dads estate(sad), paying bills, 2010 taxes,student loans, getting our files in order, letters to kids, sandbridge properties, etc. And taking at least a little time to read something for my soul! l know you work hard too to run a good office. Let me know if you want to talk softly. Bob

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry