By Lacey Rose
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Joan Rivers, the host of E!'s "Fashion Police" and WE's "Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?," lets loose on Charlie Sheen's "Torpedo of Truth" tour and other hot tiopics.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CHARLIE SHEEN'S TOUR?
Rivers: I'm so jealous. He's filling stadiums that I can't fill. Without an act! Do you understand? I have an act and I can't fill Radio City for a week. Charlie Sheen has NO act -- he has two bimbo sluts. He's unhappy and he's a warlock and filling Radio City? I'm very upset.
IS THERE A LESSON TO BE LEARNED FROM SHEEN?
Rivers: The lesson to be learned is I should have been into drugs and whoring around when I was younger.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE ALREADY?
Rivers: Well, "Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?" on WE was renewed, so I'm thrilled about that. So I'm staying in L.A. five days a week; and the weekends back in New York. I know it sounds stupid but I want to go back to Broadway.
ANY IDEA OF THE SHOW?
Rivers: I want to revive a thing called Sally Marr, which I did 15 years ago. I was nominated for a Tony, and I loved the show. I'd love to do a movie. I want to do everything. I'd love LOVE to do a sitcom.
WOULD YOU LOVE TO DO A BROADCAST SITCOM SCHEDULE?
Rivers: Oh yeah. You know what I miss the most? Well, two things. I miss a late night show. I loved my late night shows because I love interviewing. And I loved radio. I did a radio show for seven years and I miss radio.
HOW HAS THE AUDIENCE CHANGED SINCE YOU STARTED?
Rivers: I think they're able to accept much more of the truth than when I started. I remember being on Ed Sullivan pregnant with Melissa, I couldn't say I was pregnant. I was eight months in waddling to the microphone and said, 'Mr. Sullivan, soon I will be hearing the pitter patter of little feet.' That's what they let me say -- it had to be my first line. Now you'd say, what, 'I've been f---'en knocked up, who knows who the father is.' It's just so different. And I think it's great for comedy.
CHELSEA HANDLER ASIDE, LATE NIGHT REMAINS A MAN'S GAME.
DOES THAT SURPRISE YOU?
Rivers: Nah, I just miss it. I love the freedom of late night. I'd like to do late, late, late night. I think it would be so much fun.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING AS THE GAME OF MUSICAL CHAIRS WITH
CONAN O'BRIEN AND JAY LENO WAS GOING ON AT NBC?
Rivers: Who cares? I was banned. F--- 'em all. Let's see what's on HBO. I don't watch when I'm not invited.
WHAT DO YOU WATCH?
Rivers: My favorite show in the whole world is Animal Planet's "Fatal Attractions." People get a bad pet like a rhinoceros and the minute they give it a name like Snooki you know it ain't going to end well. And it never does.