Stand up for Northwest

Posted: Apr 26, 2006 12:01 AM
Stand up for Northwest

  • Regular Mullsters are aware that I consider Northwest to be the France of the airline industry. Mention Northwest to anyone who travels a good deal and they will automatically use the words surly, rude or - if they majored in English Lit. - churlish.

  • Last month I wrote a piece about how Northwest had begun to charge an extra $15 for aisle and exit row seats (Oxygen Mask? $25, Please).

  • Within a month, USA Today reported:
    Northwest Airlines' most loyal customers no longer must pay $15 to secure a seat with extra legroom. The change gives its most frequent fliers access to those seats without paying the fee.

  • But wait! Here's a new money-making opportunity for Northwest! The New York Times reported yesterday that Airbus has developed a system which would allow airlines to sell standing-room "seats."
    Passengers in the standing section would be propped against a padded backboard, held in place with a harness, according to experts who have seen a proposal.

  • Now we're talkin'! Standing-room "seats."


    Airlines have developed a language which no one else uses, like:

    - instructions to turn your cell phone to the "off position" instead of just "off," and

    - reminding you that if you sit in an exit row (whether or not you've paid the $15 fee) you have to be able to follow crew instructions without "being distracted by other attentions," and

    - thanking you for your "continued patience" immediately upon telling you your flight will be delayed for two hours and 15 minutes.


  • According to the Times, "Passengers in the standing section would be propped against a padded backboard, held in place with a harness."

  • Where do you think they tested this, Abu Ghraib?
    Talk, terrorist dog, or you'll stand all the way from Detroit to Tokyo.

    Aiieeeee! Give me seat! I tell you everything!

  • Northwest, being the entrepreneurial devils they are, could add to their revenue stream by offering floor pads and sneakers at a reasonable price for those "propped against a padded backboard and held in place with a harness."

  • Short flight? $15 for the pad and sneaks. Transcontinental flight? $75.


  • On the panic in the streets about $3.00 gasoline:

  • First of all, the Democrats wailing and whining about the high prices have forgotten they are supposed to be friends of the Greens.

  • Higher gas prices. Less driving. Less driving. Less greenhouse gasses.

  • Why isn't Nancy Pelosi cheering high gasoline prices?

  • When I was in Paris a few weeks ago, I noted gasoline was 2.55 Euros per Liter.

  • Tell me if I did this right:
    There are 3.78 Liters per gallon
    2.55 Euros equals $3.17
    $3.17 x 3.78 = $11.98 per gallon.

  • I am in New York as I type this, so I went to a local grocery store and bought a bottle of water. 99 cents. 16.9 fluid ounces.

  • For those who slept through this in third grade, there are 128 ounces to the gallon. 99 cents for 16.9 ounces = $7.50 per gallon.

  • For water.

  • Get me Nancy Pelosi on the phone.


  • And this will be the list time I do this. As of last night, the Marines of Companies A, E, G, and H, Marine Security Guard Battalion - who had a goal of about $3,500 when this started - have now exceeded their most recent goal of $30,000.

  • A good deal of that money was raised by Mullsters. Thank you.

  • On a the Secret Decoder Ring page today: That link to the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund plus; One of those very popular license plate Mullfotos, a photo of the Standing-room-only "seats", a link to the NY Times article ABOUT the Standing-room-only "seats" and a Catchy Caption of the day.