Too Much Stuff

Posted: Jan 27, 2006 10:05 AM

  • In his press conference yesterday, President Bush said he was looking forward to the mid-term elections this November, saying:

      “I intend to campaign on, and explain to, people why I've made the decisions I've made, and why they're necessary to protect the American people, and why they've been necessary to keep this economy strong, and why the policies we've got will keep this economy strong in the future.

      “And this election is about peace and prosperity.”

  • The Democratic campaign will, in all likelihood, not be about peace and prosperity.

  • The National Democrats – those who live in the Boston-New York-Washington, DC corridor and Los Angeles – have a completely different view of life than rank-and-file Democrats in the Blue States.

  • National Democrats really believe that every educated, thinking American is constantly wringing his or her emotional hands over the National Security Agency AND Iraq AND Sam Alito AND Jack Abramoff AND New Orleans AND the Palestinian Authority AND global warming AND depleted cod stocks off the coast of Upper Iguana AND, AND, AND…

  • My new and improved theory on (to borrow a phrase from the “Hitchhiker’s Guide”) Life, the Universe and Everything is this:

      The technological capability to keep human beings fully informed of every dreadful occurrence in every corner of the world, every minute, of every day has far outpaced our ability to deal with all that bad news.

      So we shut it out.

  • Everyone has a finite capacity for aggravation. For many, 50% of that capacity is used up getting the kids out of the house and off to school five days a week. (There is a great radio ad for a cell-phone company featuring a woman saying something like, “You want to give me extra minutes? How about 30 extra minutes to argue with my six-year-old daughter about why she can’t wear her footy pajamas to school.”)

  • Another 40% of our aggravation capacity is used up in traffic to and from work; Often caused by people talking on those very cell phones.

  • The final 10% – for men – is trying to find the TV remote which keeps falling between the cushions of the couch and which, unaccountably, is the 17th place we look. Every time.

  • For women (who have been blessed with a much higher capacity for aggravation), the final 10% is used up getting the kids ready for bed while protecting them from hearing the language of the fat goofball in the den, who appears to believe that the TV remote is an animate object which actually understands, and will respond to, verbal abuse.

  • For most of us, our daily due diligence on the news includes glancing at the front page of the “A” section of the newspaper and listening to a few minutes of the all-news radio station.

  • The reason we have a representative form of government is because we are perfectly happy to pay people from city council members to US Senators to worry about everything from the pot holes on Front Street to the Iranian nuclear threat, so that we don’t have to.

  • Democrats are going to have to adopt a message which is somewhat more positive than “Woe-to-Me-and-it’s-all-George-Bush’s-Fault.” And they are going to have to find people other than Ted Kennedy, Chuck Schumer, and Nancy Pelosi to deliver it.

  • If not, it may be morning, again, in America on November 7.

    Warning! Swallow Your Coffee Before Reading:

  • This is true: I was struck by the sublime clarity of the subject line in a spam e-mail I received yesterday.

      Try Colon Cleansing at Home!

  • As a public service, I’m going to send that to all my Democratic friends. It might be just what they need.

    Media Alert:

  • This is a one-time-only offer. For those of you who have been bugging me to let you know when next I’m going to be on television the answer is today, Friday, January 27. CNN. 4:30 PM Eastern.

  • If I get bumped for breaking news (like a house fire in Toledo, which actually happened once), don’t write to me. Call CNN.

  • On a the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A link to the transcript of the President’s excellent press conference; An explanation of the Hitchhiker’s Guide thing; a final (I promise) Mullfoto featuring the license plate of a Jag-Ewe-Are; and a really stupid Catchy Caption of the Day.