Where will the values voter place their bet?

Posted: Oct 13, 2006 12:00 AM
Where will the values voter place their bet?

The suggestion that recent polls indicate that more Americans think the Democratic Party is better equipped to deal with issues of morality than the Republican Party is funny.

Not “mildly-amusing”-type funny. I’m talking “fall-off-the-chair-roaring-with-laughter-and-rolling-around-on-the-floor” – type of funny.

Democrats are more moral than Republicans? Well, let’s just consider a week or so in the life of some of the most prominent Democrats in the country. Just the past few days alone offers a glimpse into the “morality” of the Democratic Party.

Let’s look at five prominent Americans who could quite accurately be described as bastions of the Democratic Party: John Kerry, Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid, and Ted Turner. These folks have had quite a week.

First, John Kerry sat down with Bill “the terrorists weren’t cowards” Maher to yuck it up on Maher’s HBO talk show. Maher, who was chased off the ABC-TV airwaves after making his reprehensible comments about the terrorists a couple of years ago, asked Sen. Kerry a pretty innocent question about where he took his wife for her birthday. When Kerry told Maher he took her to Vermont, Maher said, “You could have went (sic) to New Hampshire and killed two birds with one stone”, an obvious reference to rumors that Kerry wants to run for President again. Kerry didn’t miss a beat with his answer: “Or I could have gone to 1600 Pennsylvania and killed the real bird with one stone.”

Now I suppose it’s unlikely that Kerry, who is obviously still bitterly despondent over losing the election to George W. Bush, really wants to kill the President of the United States with a stone. But isn’t joking about doing the President harm a crime? What a morally upstanding “joke” by a Democrat, eh?

Moving on to “Babs” Streisand: My beautiful but occasionally misguided wife thought it would be a big surprise to take me to Madison Square Garden to see Streisand in concert, part of her umpteenth “farewell” tour. I’m happy to prove to the world that I love my wife very much and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. That’s how I found myself sitting in the Garden the other night, behind celebrities like Oprah, Tony Bennett, and even Geraldo.

Sure, I’ll admit that my late mother and father used to play Barbra Streisand albums around the house when I was a little boy. Of course I can concede that Streisand is an entertainment legend. But knowing her fierce Democratic activism, I sat in my overly-priced seat just waiting for a political lecture.

The diva didn’t disappoint. It came by way of a “skit” that Streisand performed with a George Bush look-alike. To be fair, the routine wasn’t really all that terrible. She had the actor pretend to be kind of bumbling, hardly an original jab, but they wound up singing “Happy Days Are Here Again” together.

While this skit was being performed, a man in the upper section of the arena began screaming something. I couldn’t make out what he was saying but it was clearly annoying Mr. James Brolin. After all, how many people actually have a chance to challenge a legendary control freak like Barbra Streisand? When the man continued to heckle her after the skit was over, she finally lost it. Her face darkening with rage, she turned up to the guy and screamed into her microphone, “Why don’t you shut the f*** up? Give him his money back if he wants!”

The grandparents, husbands, wives, and children in the sold-out Madison Square Garden gasped. I guess you can put all the roses you want around someone like her, you can have the biggest orchestra you can hire, and charge as much money as possible for the schleps like me who were there, but you can’t cover up the classlessness and vulgarity of someone like her. Again, another shining example of a prominent Democrat’s moral values.

And how about Hillary? She barely had the accusation out of her mouth that the Bush Administration was to blame for North Korea’s game of chicken with nuclear capabilities before John McCain was (accurately) holding her husband’s administration responsible for failing to do anything at all about the growing menace of North Korea and its loopy dictator. I wonder if Mrs. Clinton had to pinch herself to keep from giggling when she replied, “This is not an issue that anyone should be playing politics with.”

But the week isn’t over yet. Sen. Harry Reid is one of the more vocal members of the Democratic Greek Chorus that loves to accuse Republicans of a “culture of corruption.” So when the Associated Press discovered that the Democratic Minority leader made 1.1 million dollars from land that he hasn’t owned for the past few years due to a complicated, some say shady, deal, Reid didn’t seem to have much of a response for the pesky AP reporter who called him. When Reid was confronted about the sleazy land deal that allowed him to pocket over a million bucks, he did what any good poster boy for Democratic Party morals would do: he abruptly hung up on the reporter. Later, when the scandal hit the fan and Reid had time to get his story straight, he held a press conference.

And finally, we have “the mouth of the South” himself, Ted Turner. The CNN founder is certainly a famous face of the Democratic Party. In fact, just a couple of years ago, Bill Clinton gave Turner some sort of award for Democratic Leadership.

Speaking in Washington, Turner said something that ought to have made every freedom-loving American’s blood run cold: “Our president said it very clearly. He said ‘either you’re with us or you’re against us’,” said Turner. “And I had a problem with that because I really hadn’t made my mind up yet.”

So the recipient of a Bill Clinton Democratic Leadership Award can’t decide which side he’s on, ours or the terrorists.

Yeah, those polls must be right. Democrats are all about values and morals and we Republicans are just, well, evil.

Heck, if a poll about morality in our political parties is so laughable, maybe Republican candidates won’t do so badly after all on November 7th. Perhaps the GOP is going to deliver a “November Surprise” to all the “October Surprises” that have been thrown their way.