Wolf Cries “Boy”: University to Investigate

Posted: Dec 11, 2007 12:00 AM

A friend of mine who is a black professor at UNC-Wilmington was walking down the hall one day when a janitor nodded to him saying “hey bud” in a barely audible voice. His chair, who was walking with him, thought that the janitor who was white (and still is, I presume) said “hey boy.” So he asked my friend whether he wanted to press charges against the janitor. Thinking he may have said “bud” rather than “boy” my black friend who is not my only black friend (I have three and a half black friends, by the way) decided the matter needed further investigation before pulling the trigger (I said “trigger,” not “n****r”).

Sure enough, after again passing the white janitor in the hall and listening carefully, my black friend said that he was sure the term of greeting was “bud” not “boy.” His chair, being updated on the issue (actually it was a non-issue), was forced to let it drop. Unfortunately, such efforts to manufacture hate crimes are commonplace at The University of North Carolina-We’re Liberals with Nothing Better to Do with Our Time (UNCW).

On another occasion a heterosexual man decided to play a prank on his heterosexual friend at UNCW by writing the word “fag” on his door (Ann Coulter had nothing to do with this one although John Edwards was reportedly campaigning in the vicinity). In addition to the fact that no one involved in the incident was inclined to exercise his constitutional right to sodomy, the event also happened to take place off campus. Nonetheless, a gay male secretary decided to press the local authorities to treat it as a “hate crime.”

After one of my three and a half black friends – one who handles EEOC claims - declined to take interest in the case, the gay secretary pressed on. He tried to get a lesbian senator to take up his cause. Eventually, the case died to the great disappointment of some local gay “civil rights” leaders.

In 1999, after a UNCW faculty member falsely accused a chair of sexual harassment, she too tried to invoke the language of hate crimes to garner sympathy from the university community. I tried to convince one of my liberal colleagues in the Faculty Senate to press for the punishment of faculty who manufacture false claims of harassment and “hate criminality.” This fell on deaf ears as he suspected that such measures would deter people from making real claims when actually victimized. I stopped short of asking him whether counterfeiting U.S. currency should be made legal lest it deter people from doing their jobs at the U.S. Treasury Department.

It should not surprise the reader that the aforementioned faculty member falsely claimed she was a victim of a “hate crime” again in 2001. Details will follow in my next book, due to appear in book stores across America on Valentine’s Day (commonly known as Vagina Day on most college campuses).

Given the lack of actual hate crimes at UNCW, there is a new initiative to help raise people’s awareness of intolerance and to help them better understand diversity. The graffiti rock that sits on the UNCW campus will be covered with offensive terms in the full view of students. The offensive terms will then be erased as a symbol of our efforts to erase intolerance.

Of course, our university is only creating feigned offense in order to destroy it because there is no real problem with the kind of intolerance the university claims to be against. It would be just as productive to have half the janitors at UNCW (those who don’t call black people “boy”) dump trash on the campus while the other half of the janitors clean it up. But such an exercise might shed light on the worthlessness of our current diversity mission.

But this is not to say that there really is no such thing as intolerance at UNCW. Last Wednesday afternoon there was an incident in the Social and Behavioral Sciences Building that may actually qualify as a “hate crime” – although it did not involve the utterance of terms like “fag” or “nappy-headed ho.”

After a student I will call David (because that is his name) put up signs saying “Jesus: The Real Reason for the Season” another student I will call Brittany (because that is her name) witnessed a disturbing scene. A woman who has yet to be identified was seen tearing down all of the signs in the building while angrily muttering something under her breath. (Rumor has it she was saying “vagina” though one professor has claimed she stated “boy.”)

I am willing to bet my first year’s royalties on my next book (due out on Vagina Day) that there will be no investigation, apprehension, and conviction of this woman for her obvious perpetration of a hate crime against the Christian community at UNCW. But I have an alternative to conviction that I think will provide an important educational tool for our university community.

I propose that we take the graffiti rock at UNCW and cover it with offensive terms like “Jesus” “Christmas” and “Christianity.” Then, we can have Chancellor Rosemary DePaolo come and blot out the offensive terms with a can of spray paint. Such an exercise will tell people all they need to know about the true nature of tolerance and diversity at UNCW.